this is my 100th post.
and this shall be may last on here.
ill make another blog but.... that will be later, when im more in the mood to post.
so heres me at the moment.
im busy as hell
its my senior year.
i just got a new job and got my first paycheck.
i have a boyfriend..
im still me.
idk...
tho.
i checked out the college im going to next year for sorta the first time.
and im sorta looking forward to it.
because i definitely wanna get outta here.
but i dont wanna leave my friends.
=/
oh well.
-----------
i called you a bunch of times earlier.
cuz u said ull see me tmrw yesterday.
so i thot ud be coming to practice.
everyone was wondering where u were and asking me.
and it kinda sucks saying.. i dont know, he's not answering my calls.
and .. yea
my mom couldnt pick me up until 5.
so i was planning on hanging out with you the rest of the time.
but you wouldnt answer.
i got there around 12:40 too...
and afterwards i was stranded there.
and i couldnt go home cuz ron has the only freakin copy of the house key.
... its dumb how i dont have one and im the oldest...
and well...
that was my plan when i found out prom was at 12.
because mom had to go somewhere and couldnt be back until 5.... and.. yea
but you wouldnt answer...
and then it was like ur phone was off or something...
so... i made plans with kuya jeff and jeffrey
while waiting for kuya jeff i went over wat i missed
but by the time you called i was kinda pissed.
so ill just talk to you later.
and you sounded kinda pissed in ur voicemail.
so...
i dont even know if u want to.
---------------
yup kinda a sad way to end off this blog.
but this has been a pretty good year or so.... on here.
alota drama and ranting.
good bye.
hello, new blog.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
like i said.
it's always been a problem in my relationships.
dont be sorry.
ur not the first.
its me.
its because im too damn busy.
ive basically scheduled my life to be busy because i dont want to be home...
and i dont want to deal with home...
but with that it seems like i attached everything else to home.
like friends.
and fun.
and relaxation.
and seriously.
im thinking its a stupid trait i got from my mom.
because she is always seriously busy,
ever since she quit her job from intel.
[near my 8th grade year]
shes always been working...
and it seems like she doesnt have time for me or ron anymore.
so i started going out.
and ron started going out.
but then eventually it made the whole family split.
and its not like i LIKE it.
i hate it.
but now its normal for all of us.
to all be busy.
but ron hates it.
and thats why ron doesnt like me as much anymore.
because it seems like i dont have time for him.
but ever since 8th grade ive been having to deal with my mom being busy.
and id always yell at her and fight with her saying things like
"you're to busy. u dont spend time with me anymore, u dont care.
it doesnt seem like u love me. you never listen to me....."
and i guess just recently i learned..
thats exactly how ron feels towards me..
and thats how kevin felt....
well dennis... it was different, but yea..
and i wouldnt be surprised if this is how u felt.
karma.?
wat goes around comes around -JT
but now i strive to win back my brothers love.
even tho i gave up on my dad.
if u can tell my family issues are very... complex
and to the point where.
its really hard to follow.
so im sorry im sharing with them to you.
but anyway.
yea,
im busy.
..
and im sorry.
in the past...
i had to freakin ... schedule my friends in so that i could hang out with them.
one time i was hanging out with rosa and sheryl
and i passed out on sheryls bed cuz i was so tired.
so you shouldnt be sorry.
its fine.
i know how u feel....
but let me know how i can fix it.
because i don't want to be like my mom anymore.
dont be sorry.
ur not the first.
its me.
its because im too damn busy.
ive basically scheduled my life to be busy because i dont want to be home...
and i dont want to deal with home...
but with that it seems like i attached everything else to home.
like friends.
and fun.
and relaxation.
and seriously.
im thinking its a stupid trait i got from my mom.
because she is always seriously busy,
ever since she quit her job from intel.
[near my 8th grade year]
shes always been working...
and it seems like she doesnt have time for me or ron anymore.
so i started going out.
and ron started going out.
but then eventually it made the whole family split.
and its not like i LIKE it.
i hate it.
but now its normal for all of us.
to all be busy.
but ron hates it.
and thats why ron doesnt like me as much anymore.
because it seems like i dont have time for him.
but ever since 8th grade ive been having to deal with my mom being busy.
and id always yell at her and fight with her saying things like
"you're to busy. u dont spend time with me anymore, u dont care.
it doesnt seem like u love me. you never listen to me....."
and i guess just recently i learned..
thats exactly how ron feels towards me..
and thats how kevin felt....
well dennis... it was different, but yea..
and i wouldnt be surprised if this is how u felt.
karma.?
wat goes around comes around -JT
but now i strive to win back my brothers love.
even tho i gave up on my dad.
if u can tell my family issues are very... complex
and to the point where.
its really hard to follow.
so im sorry im sharing with them to you.
but anyway.
yea,
im busy.
..
and im sorry.
in the past...
i had to freakin ... schedule my friends in so that i could hang out with them.
one time i was hanging out with rosa and sheryl
and i passed out on sheryls bed cuz i was so tired.
so you shouldnt be sorry.
its fine.
i know how u feel....
but let me know how i can fix it.
because i don't want to be like my mom anymore.
Monday, April 12, 2010
im sorry
its not wat u probably expected.
and maybe its just the timing,
it just so happens to have happened the week before the month everything was happening to me.
if that makes sense.
so im sorry.
and I SHOULD BE SORRY.
because...
its ALWAYS my fault and i know it.
in all my relationships,
family, friends, boyfriends.....
because of me being busy.
thats the main problem..
and i guess its because of my decisions that make me stressed that make u feel bad.
so u shouldnt worry, even tho i know u do.
its all me.
i brought this upon myself.
and its in my genes.
stupid.....
=/
i cant wait til the summer time.
not as much to worry about....
just the things i look forward to.
like... FYC summer program,
and jobs,
and leaving.
and maybe its just the timing,
it just so happens to have happened the week before the month everything was happening to me.
if that makes sense.
so im sorry.
and I SHOULD BE SORRY.
because...
its ALWAYS my fault and i know it.
in all my relationships,
family, friends, boyfriends.....
because of me being busy.
thats the main problem..
and i guess its because of my decisions that make me stressed that make u feel bad.
so u shouldnt worry, even tho i know u do.
its all me.
i brought this upon myself.
and its in my genes.
stupid.....
=/
i cant wait til the summer time.
not as much to worry about....
just the things i look forward to.
like... FYC summer program,
and jobs,
and leaving.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
=/
i hate how you dont even talk to me anymore.
how can u be my brother if we barely speak to each other.
i dont understand y u cant even say hi to me.
it hurts u know.
knowing that ur brother hates u so much he cant even talk to u.
im ur sister...
ur only sister.
ur only true blood related sibling.
and u cant talk to me.
i guess ur gonna love it wen im gone
arent you
you're gonna just love it.
you're the lucky one anyway.
u have talent,
u have dad
u have mom
u have freedom
u have money
u can drive.
u can see
ur a strong person
u dont need me.
i might as well go.
but ill miss you little bro, more than u know.
-------------------------------------
i mean you can talk to kaitlyn , kuya jeff , tiffany and even josh.
but not me.
you can have friends outside of school and hang out with them everyday
and i live with you
u dont even give me the time of day
you can keep conversations with mom AND dad
but wen it comes to me i get one word answers.
its stupid.
and i dont really like ur attitude.
going around cussing
that crip call crap
being 'cool' and all that -.-
and ur LAZY.
u dont help me with some of the chores
u dont clean
and u worry me.
i dont know where the hell u are sometimes.
but im afraid to call.
because u might jus yell or... just not pick up.
but this didnt happen before.
not wen u hung out with my friends.
u were fine.
everything was fine..
whered it go...
whered all of that go....
how can u be my brother if we barely speak to each other.
i dont understand y u cant even say hi to me.
it hurts u know.
knowing that ur brother hates u so much he cant even talk to u.
im ur sister...
ur only sister.
ur only true blood related sibling.
and u cant talk to me.
i guess ur gonna love it wen im gone
arent you
you're gonna just love it.
you're the lucky one anyway.
u have talent,
u have dad
u have mom
u have freedom
u have money
u can drive.
u can see
ur a strong person
u dont need me.
i might as well go.
but ill miss you little bro, more than u know.
-------------------------------------
i mean you can talk to kaitlyn , kuya jeff , tiffany and even josh.
but not me.
you can have friends outside of school and hang out with them everyday
and i live with you
u dont even give me the time of day
you can keep conversations with mom AND dad
but wen it comes to me i get one word answers.
its stupid.
and i dont really like ur attitude.
going around cussing
that crip call crap
being 'cool' and all that -.-
and ur LAZY.
u dont help me with some of the chores
u dont clean
and u worry me.
i dont know where the hell u are sometimes.
but im afraid to call.
because u might jus yell or... just not pick up.
but this didnt happen before.
not wen u hung out with my friends.
u were fine.
everything was fine..
whered it go...
whered all of that go....
Monday, April 5, 2010
long day...
but the whole week seems like its gonna be long. o.o its only monday.
=[ but wen its over it would feel like it went by too fast.
i woke up and checked my phone. and i got a missed call from [who cares about nickname anymore] Eric. [lol]
i think 2 missed calls.. so i called him back.
then blah.
then he had to go so he can go to Santa Cruz.
So ... i laid there x.x
i didnt wanna get up
so i picked up my laptop and... randomly surfed the web.
.. =/ dennis got a fb
and he wrote this note thing.
*sigh
its the sad part of his life.
the part that at one point only vlad knew.
i knew this year.
he told me in early jan.. or late dec. i think not exactly sure.
but its really sad...
because his life is.. like that..
he doesnt deserve things like that.
especially because hes done nothing wrong.
i hope he'll be better.
hes strong x.x he'll get thru..
hes leaving anyway. after that he's in charge of his life.
its weird knowing that ill probably not see him again after june 28th [or 27th.. forgot x.x]
and its weird hes telling ppl on his fb about that...
he said he didnt really want everyone to know and stuff about his past life.
but i guess it makes sense.
to clarify to some ppl wat hes been thru.
hm.
soooo
i got up around 11 or something...
did some hw.
and ate.
then showered.
then since it was raining i put the gfs stuff in a box and headed to school.
my dad had to drive me there cuz mom was at work.
i didnt like it.
because sometimes he tries to talk to me..
but whenever he does.
its always the wrong things he talks about.
this time.
he started talking about driving.
and i got sad.
because he went on about it... i replied.. halfheartedly
and it happened the whoooole time. until school =[
it was like... so this is how u back up its easy.
maybe you can learn how to drive.
maggie cant drive at night blahblah [ i think its an affair o.o , but shes a work lady friend ]
and blah mom should teach you
he asked if my friends in school can drive and yea.
and i HAD to bring up the fact that i passed my written test thingy already...
so all i needed to do was learn HOW to drive.
and blah he continued on even more about how my mom should teach me and rawr....=[
verge of tears right there.
[i remember the last time we had a talk like it... i cried.. he didnt know wat i was gonna do in college.]
hm...
i got to school.
cavadas.
there was a surprising amount of ppl for quill.
but i guess it wasnt ALL for quill. lol
gfs stuff... sitting there.
i did some hw.
and they had the old quill on the computers.
the one that wasnt published cuz of the funding last year.
and i found 2 layouts that featured my written stuff :D
i got excited.
but those were about... =/ dennis
and i got blah... cuz i didnt really MEAN the first one.
and i got thru the other one.
the first one was called "spin the bottle"
i wrote it while i was crying over the summer.
we were at downtown and that was the day rosa came with us.
we went like every week or so.. with vlad and dennis [and kimberly and ron] sometimes and andrew came too
and it was dark and we were on the stage in cesar chavez park and it was like 11pm
and we played spin the bottle.
and dennis got me...
well first off vlad got rosa ;D
but that was a loooong time ago.
and yea anyways.
dennis got me.. and he didnt kiss me on the cheek like we said we all would.
he kissed me on the lips.
i wasnt with him, we didnt get together.
i got home that day....
and i cried in my room.
and started typing.
i didnt want it to get all blahrawr.
and so i typed it out
its in the 09 folder lol.
i think luat did the layout or something
and the other one... its called 'try'
i like that one.
its about me trying to get over him.
and in my quill submissions this yr.
i wrote something i finally got over him
lol
nice continuation .
and then i was like.. woah these were my dennis days.
and i think... it was luat who was like
now its eric era.
and then vinh and luat were like...
its dennis days and eric era.
something about alliteration.
leah u should write parallel poems for quill x.x
and blahhhh.
i would,
but i dont want him to feel like im comparing him.
cuz they shouldnt be compared.
but ill think of ideas t/o the week.
i feel like writing it, it sounds fun to write. o.o
then CVC practice.
it was awkward dancing the waltz thing with lewis cuz i sucked x.x
but yea.
i eventually kinda learned. i needa practice =[
then...
erics house [=
=X
wattodo wattodo
random youtube
music
wattodo..wattodo
music man
michelles so cute<3
go home.
yea... i had to lie,
but =/ i kinda always had to.
i feel bad that i have to.
but otherwise i wouldnt be able to go.
next time ill say it.
ill tell her about us thursday night..wen we get back from valleyfair.
after we drop you off... o.o
maybe.
anyways... got home and stuffs. [=
luats weird. we both agree.
time to start random stuff.
[D= busy schedule this week]
tuesday-
10-11am?dentist appt
1-5:30pm kasama meeting for battle skit
6 + pm FYC
wednesday-
9-2pm music man practice
3-5 CVC practice
5-5:30- goodbye core. explanation to jessa... split repsonsibility.. give to matt permanent spot D'=
6-9pm - work. first day of job @ great mall piano shop... o.o
thursday-
9-2pm music man practice
3-9:30pm valley fair con eric
friday-
SRL day :D
[but im apposed to do calc... =/]
ill do it before they come!
and review when they leave.
probably...
rockband
DDR
movies
cartoons
popcorn/ cookies/ cake/ brownies
juice
party/relax day with the girls =P
Saturday-
8-11am calc test x.x
11-1pm CVC practice
1-6pm work
[idk HOW im gonna do all that in that time....] ill hafta leave early or be there late somehow x.x
and then 6+pm spend time with ateh<3 i miss her
Sunday-
10-12noon- church
1-3?pm- haircut.
3+pm - catch up with watever hw i failed at doing within my busy schedule.
friend is supposed to visit me this week.
but idk if thats gonna happen oh well.
idk wat we'd do anyway, we're not even close anymore.
watever.
=[ but wen its over it would feel like it went by too fast.
i woke up and checked my phone. and i got a missed call from [who cares about nickname anymore] Eric. [lol]
i think 2 missed calls.. so i called him back.
then blah.
then he had to go so he can go to Santa Cruz.
So ... i laid there x.x
i didnt wanna get up
so i picked up my laptop and... randomly surfed the web.
.. =/ dennis got a fb
and he wrote this note thing.
*sigh
its the sad part of his life.
the part that at one point only vlad knew.
i knew this year.
he told me in early jan.. or late dec. i think not exactly sure.
but its really sad...
because his life is.. like that..
he doesnt deserve things like that.
especially because hes done nothing wrong.
i hope he'll be better.
hes strong x.x he'll get thru..
hes leaving anyway. after that he's in charge of his life.
its weird knowing that ill probably not see him again after june 28th [or 27th.. forgot x.x]
and its weird hes telling ppl on his fb about that...
he said he didnt really want everyone to know and stuff about his past life.
but i guess it makes sense.
to clarify to some ppl wat hes been thru.
hm.
soooo
i got up around 11 or something...
did some hw.
and ate.
then showered.
then since it was raining i put the gfs stuff in a box and headed to school.
my dad had to drive me there cuz mom was at work.
i didnt like it.
because sometimes he tries to talk to me..
but whenever he does.
its always the wrong things he talks about.
this time.
he started talking about driving.
and i got sad.
because he went on about it... i replied.. halfheartedly
and it happened the whoooole time. until school =[
it was like... so this is how u back up its easy.
maybe you can learn how to drive.
maggie cant drive at night blahblah [ i think its an affair o.o , but shes a work lady friend ]
and blah mom should teach you
he asked if my friends in school can drive and yea.
and i HAD to bring up the fact that i passed my written test thingy already...
so all i needed to do was learn HOW to drive.
and blah he continued on even more about how my mom should teach me and rawr....=[
verge of tears right there.
[i remember the last time we had a talk like it... i cried.. he didnt know wat i was gonna do in college.]
hm...
i got to school.
cavadas.
there was a surprising amount of ppl for quill.
but i guess it wasnt ALL for quill. lol
gfs stuff... sitting there.
i did some hw.
and they had the old quill on the computers.
the one that wasnt published cuz of the funding last year.
and i found 2 layouts that featured my written stuff :D
i got excited.
but those were about... =/ dennis
and i got blah... cuz i didnt really MEAN the first one.
and i got thru the other one.
the first one was called "spin the bottle"
i wrote it while i was crying over the summer.
we were at downtown and that was the day rosa came with us.
we went like every week or so.. with vlad and dennis [and kimberly and ron] sometimes and andrew came too
and it was dark and we were on the stage in cesar chavez park and it was like 11pm
and we played spin the bottle.
and dennis got me...
well first off vlad got rosa ;D
but that was a loooong time ago.
and yea anyways.
dennis got me.. and he didnt kiss me on the cheek like we said we all would.
he kissed me on the lips.
i wasnt with him, we didnt get together.
i got home that day....
and i cried in my room.
and started typing.
i didnt want it to get all blahrawr.
and so i typed it out
its in the 09 folder lol.
i think luat did the layout or something
and the other one... its called 'try'
i like that one.
its about me trying to get over him.
and in my quill submissions this yr.
i wrote something i finally got over him
lol
nice continuation .
and then i was like.. woah these were my dennis days.
and i think... it was luat who was like
now its eric era.
and then vinh and luat were like...
its dennis days and eric era.
something about alliteration.
leah u should write parallel poems for quill x.x
and blahhhh.
i would,
but i dont want him to feel like im comparing him.
cuz they shouldnt be compared.
but ill think of ideas t/o the week.
i feel like writing it, it sounds fun to write. o.o
then CVC practice.
it was awkward dancing the waltz thing with lewis cuz i sucked x.x
but yea.
i eventually kinda learned. i needa practice =[
then...
erics house [=
=X
wattodo wattodo
random youtube
music
wattodo..wattodo
music man
michelles so cute<3
go home.
yea... i had to lie,
but =/ i kinda always had to.
i feel bad that i have to.
but otherwise i wouldnt be able to go.
next time ill say it.
ill tell her about us thursday night..wen we get back from valleyfair.
after we drop you off... o.o
maybe.
anyways... got home and stuffs. [=
luats weird. we both agree.
time to start random stuff.
[D= busy schedule this week]
tuesday-
10-11am?dentist appt
1-5:30pm kasama meeting for battle skit
6 + pm FYC
wednesday-
9-2pm music man practice
3-5 CVC practice
5-5:30- goodbye core. explanation to jessa... split repsonsibility.. give to matt permanent spot D'=
6-9pm - work. first day of job @ great mall piano shop... o.o
thursday-
9-2pm music man practice
3-9:30pm valley fair con eric
friday-
SRL day :D
[but im apposed to do calc... =/]
ill do it before they come!
and review when they leave.
probably...
rockband
DDR
movies
cartoons
popcorn/ cookies/ cake/ brownies
juice
party/relax day with the girls =P
Saturday-
8-11am calc test x.x
11-1pm CVC practice
1-6pm work
[idk HOW im gonna do all that in that time....] ill hafta leave early or be there late somehow x.x
and then 6+pm spend time with ateh<3 i miss her
Sunday-
10-12noon- church
1-3?pm- haircut.
3+pm - catch up with watever hw i failed at doing within my busy schedule.
friend is supposed to visit me this week.
but idk if thats gonna happen oh well.
idk wat we'd do anyway, we're not even close anymore.
watever.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
20 questions
:D
i like it wen we talk for a long time.
it gets interesting =X
then it gets funny. then serious, then random.
<3 Wik.
i like it wen we talk for a long time.
it gets interesting =X
then it gets funny. then serious, then random.
<3 Wik.
='/
i did hurt u.
i hate myself for it.
i would take everything back if i could.
i swear.
i regret it...
i dont want to hurt you.
DDDDD=
i wanna make it up to you...
how... how can i make it up to u.
im dying inside.
because i know its causing u pain.
to ur heart.
ur voice is so.... =[
--------
u DID like me freshman yr.
=o
i hate myself for it.
i would take everything back if i could.
i swear.
i regret it...
i dont want to hurt you.
DDDDD=
i wanna make it up to you...
how... how can i make it up to u.
im dying inside.
because i know its causing u pain.
to ur heart.
ur voice is so.... =[
--------
u DID like me freshman yr.
=o
i told u
just about everything.
i hope this doesnt change anything.
i dont want it to. =/
pls dont look at me differently.
its not wat i planned either...
im still blah... abt it...
it feels weird having to deal with it.. even tho i might not seem like that type of person.
im not exactly wat type of person im talking about but. yea...
dont hate me...
i didnt tell anyone because i didnt want them to judge me.
i know u wont...
but maybe in the back of ur mind..
u might regret liking me =/
and just the thot of that makes me sad....
u sound sad...
but watever u ask.
ill answer.
theres no point in keeping it a secret if u wanna know.
i just hope...
im not making a mistake
because ive kept secrets in relationships before.
and that didnt go so well in the end.
i dont like making u sad...
it makes me sad.
ur voice changes wenever i answer questions.
..
should i stop?
it seems like.. im hurting u.
i dont want to hurt u... =[
ur wik...
[i spelled it wrong in the last blog huh,,,x,x.. too lazy to change]
i dont like hurting the people i care for and ...hm,
im sorry =/
i hope this doesnt change anything.
i dont want it to. =/
pls dont look at me differently.
its not wat i planned either...
im still blah... abt it...
it feels weird having to deal with it.. even tho i might not seem like that type of person.
im not exactly wat type of person im talking about but. yea...
dont hate me...
i didnt tell anyone because i didnt want them to judge me.
i know u wont...
but maybe in the back of ur mind..
u might regret liking me =/
and just the thot of that makes me sad....
u sound sad...
but watever u ask.
ill answer.
theres no point in keeping it a secret if u wanna know.
i just hope...
im not making a mistake
because ive kept secrets in relationships before.
and that didnt go so well in the end.
i dont like making u sad...
it makes me sad.
ur voice changes wenever i answer questions.
..
should i stop?
it seems like.. im hurting u.
i dont want to hurt u... =[
ur wik...
[i spelled it wrong in the last blog huh,,,x,x.. too lazy to change]
i dont like hurting the people i care for and ...hm,
im sorry =/
Saturday, April 3, 2010
because he said so
[=
stuffs eh?
hm...
today was CVC,
then BLAHrawr random unplanned stuff.
i woke up.
and Wic called =P
or i called him. o.o
i forgot lol,
and talktalktalk
shower/eat..etc,
CVC started at 10
with spring practice.
not bad,
but ima hafta learn a dance sooner or later .. says anny
i dont mind [=
then prom,
i brought my heels!
we practiced the lady gaga dance.
i finally got it down [sorta]
its kinda fun lol.
eric came a little late =X
then
the rest of prom practice.
thennn hug<3stuffs.blah.
and short convo about status? kinda.
then mr dang took him away from me =[
and then eventually i had to leave.
and he didnt get back yet.
and i go sad.
so..
i told sean and kim to tell him i said byeee,
cuz i didnt wanna call.
cuz they told me he was in a meeting ..
blah,
moms meeting thing.
we drove to milpitas.
for this realestate meeting thing.
so i stayed in the car.
and started reading the book my mom is challenging me and my brother to read.
if i read it.. and write a summary.
i get $100
and i kinda need it... =/
kasama owes me money.
ALOT of money.
but i cant take out money.
i dont have receipts.
=[
anyways.
Wic called [=
after i gave up reading ..
i got to ch 3 tho!
convo convo convo.
status.
He said i rejected him..
because i didnt answer him. about the status thing.
..
but i didnt mean to reject him.
i like him muchos [=
anyways.
its a small test.
for patience o.o
muahahaha.
i am evil.
lalala,
and its not like i dont want to be with him.
weeeeeee,
then... mom got in the car.
and we went to kalesa to eat.
i love filipino food.
and in the middle of the meal.
some random person called me.
i didnt recognize the voice.
it seemed as if she had the wrong number.
she has a strong asian accent...
and i didnt understand wat she was saying at first.
then i knew...
it was that lady from great mall
who owns the fuzzy panda.
who now owns the piano place.
she said she would call me to hire me.
and she wanted me to stop by today.
i told my mom
and so we did [she said we were gonna go there anyway]
so after we finished eating and stopped by my haircut place [to only set up an appt for the 11th]
we went to Great mall.
:D i got it.
i met art again.
imma be his apprentice.
which is pretty cool.
but then...
she said they days/times.
and i got kinda sad...
because...
=[ i realized how.. BLAHsergfosinvsifnej my schedule is...
i start this week o.o
on Wednesdays [5-9pm]
and.
on Saturdays [1-6pm]
but..
im supposed to have FYC core on Wednesday from... 5-9-10-11...
ima miss it alot.
kinda.
lol
but i feel bad for leaving it.
i dont want to.
because i really want to help plan my last battle.
i just really hope that there will be a second day added soon.
[on monday] >=]
rawr...
ima miss some people.
but on the other hand ill be glad to not spend another afternoon with other people x.x
BLAH.
i will video log. this week.
talk to jessa about finance committee....
ima die.
FYCCCCC. gah,
anyways.
me and mom went around Gmall
i took a look at the group USA dresses.
to get my picks ready for CVC..
then we walked around and did alota window shopping.
and yea.
Group USA
wet seal
love culture.
izod [for mom x.x]
papaya
american eagle
forever 21
amuse
home.
i got home...
[facebooktime]
and then practiced piano o.o
x.x
i got thru all of act one.
except for my white night.
its evil.
5 flats to 5 sharps...
to 4 flats to 5 flats again.
its a really mean 6 pages.
*sigh.
tmrw thats the first thing i work on wen i practice.
then on to act two.
and on monday i will go thru the whole play x.x
and tuesday.
same thing.
i cant wait for thursday. <3
but sunday-wednesday is in b/t
tmrw...
church.
then
home - piano / clean room / do hw?
monday
piano / clean room / do hw?
until 1...
1-5 CVC practice
5+ ?
tuesday
10am- dentist appt
12/1+ sometime before 6- Kasama meeting for battle skit
6-11?- FYC
wednesday
9am-2pm - music man
3-5 CVC practice
5-... FYC core.. goodbye.
6-9 - first day of new job [ i asked to start late..... because of core quit]
thursday
9-2pm - music man
3+? - Wik?
friday
idk...
finish hw.
school for... calc tutoring? .. maybe
saturday
8-11? - calc test
11-1 - CVC practice
1-6 - 2nd day of work
sunday
10-12 church
1-?- hair cut
?-nighttime- finalize hw stuffs.
great.
no time for hw huh?
stuffs eh?
hm...
today was CVC,
then BLAHrawr random unplanned stuff.
i woke up.
and Wic called =P
or i called him. o.o
i forgot lol,
and talktalktalk
shower/eat..etc,
CVC started at 10
with spring practice.
not bad,
but ima hafta learn a dance sooner or later .. says anny
i dont mind [=
then prom,
i brought my heels!
we practiced the lady gaga dance.
i finally got it down [sorta]
its kinda fun lol.
eric came a little late =X
then
the rest of prom practice.
thennn hug<3stuffs.blah.
and short convo about status? kinda.
then mr dang took him away from me =[
and then eventually i had to leave.
and he didnt get back yet.
and i go sad.
so..
i told sean and kim to tell him i said byeee,
cuz i didnt wanna call.
cuz they told me he was in a meeting ..
blah,
moms meeting thing.
we drove to milpitas.
for this realestate meeting thing.
so i stayed in the car.
and started reading the book my mom is challenging me and my brother to read.
if i read it.. and write a summary.
i get $100
and i kinda need it... =/
kasama owes me money.
ALOT of money.
but i cant take out money.
i dont have receipts.
=[
anyways.
Wic called [=
after i gave up reading ..
i got to ch 3 tho!
convo convo convo.
status.
He said i rejected him..
because i didnt answer him. about the status thing.
..
but i didnt mean to reject him.
i like him muchos [=
anyways.
its a small test.
for patience o.o
muahahaha.
i am evil.
lalala,
and its not like i dont want to be with him.
weeeeeee,
then... mom got in the car.
and we went to kalesa to eat.
i love filipino food.
and in the middle of the meal.
some random person called me.
i didnt recognize the voice.
it seemed as if she had the wrong number.
she has a strong asian accent...
and i didnt understand wat she was saying at first.
then i knew...
it was that lady from great mall
who owns the fuzzy panda.
who now owns the piano place.
she said she would call me to hire me.
and she wanted me to stop by today.
i told my mom
and so we did [she said we were gonna go there anyway]
so after we finished eating and stopped by my haircut place [to only set up an appt for the 11th]
we went to Great mall.
:D i got it.
i met art again.
imma be his apprentice.
which is pretty cool.
but then...
she said they days/times.
and i got kinda sad...
because...
=[ i realized how.. BLAHsergfosinvsifnej my schedule is...
i start this week o.o
on Wednesdays [5-9pm]
and.
on Saturdays [1-6pm]
but..
im supposed to have FYC core on Wednesday from... 5-9-10-11...
ima miss it alot.
kinda.
lol
but i feel bad for leaving it.
i dont want to.
because i really want to help plan my last battle.
i just really hope that there will be a second day added soon.
[on monday] >=]
rawr...
ima miss some people.
but on the other hand ill be glad to not spend another afternoon with other people x.x
BLAH.
i will video log. this week.
talk to jessa about finance committee....
ima die.
FYCCCCC. gah,
anyways.
me and mom went around Gmall
i took a look at the group USA dresses.
to get my picks ready for CVC..
then we walked around and did alota window shopping.
and yea.
Group USA
wet seal
love culture.
izod [for mom x.x]
papaya
american eagle
forever 21
amuse
home.
i got home...
[facebooktime]
and then practiced piano o.o
x.x
i got thru all of act one.
except for my white night.
its evil.
5 flats to 5 sharps...
to 4 flats to 5 flats again.
its a really mean 6 pages.
*sigh.
tmrw thats the first thing i work on wen i practice.
then on to act two.
and on monday i will go thru the whole play x.x
and tuesday.
same thing.
i cant wait for thursday. <3
but sunday-wednesday is in b/t
tmrw...
church.
then
home - piano / clean room / do hw?
monday
piano / clean room / do hw?
until 1...
1-5 CVC practice
5+ ?
tuesday
10am- dentist appt
12/1+ sometime before 6- Kasama meeting for battle skit
6-11?- FYC
wednesday
9am-2pm - music man
3-5 CVC practice
5-... FYC core.. goodbye.
6-9 - first day of new job [ i asked to start late..... because of core quit]
thursday
9-2pm - music man
3+? - Wik?
friday
idk...
finish hw.
school for... calc tutoring? .. maybe
saturday
8-11? - calc test
11-1 - CVC practice
1-6 - 2nd day of work
sunday
10-12 church
1-?- hair cut
?-nighttime- finalize hw stuffs.
great.
no time for hw huh?
Friday, April 2, 2010
April 2
in more than ten words.
. lol
music man.
=[ i feel like i did a horrible job and that jenson is disappointed in me.
but i know its my fault.
for not practicing as hard as i should have.
but for these next few weeks. i gotta push myself harder than ever.
=/ cuz i dont wanna suck.
and Wik [=
i like how these things let us have time together.
its nice to be around him.
haha it feels nice too.
so we blahblahblah today.
twas interesting.
inthegoodway.
i liked it.
he doesnt fail.[=
hes sweet.<3
he told me i was beautiful.
and i was in sweats and my hair was blah.
and yea [=
hes really sweet.
haha.
and i learned something today.
surprisingly..
but i dont mind.
[=
adds more special-ness to all this.
i like the way u hold me. we fit.
and i kissed u goodbye on ur check.
off to SRL afternoon @ rosas house
we watched a bunchof stuffs.
first...
dodgeball XD, funny movie.
then cook cookie dough.
and popcorn
and pictures
then... random other stuff.
like... two and a half men
rugrats
the news, lol
topmodel,etc.
fun.
i missed them alot.
good catch up.
wosa took out her scrapbook.
those were the days man...
gah,
and then
home.
and now.
[=
. lol
music man.
=[ i feel like i did a horrible job and that jenson is disappointed in me.
but i know its my fault.
for not practicing as hard as i should have.
but for these next few weeks. i gotta push myself harder than ever.
=/ cuz i dont wanna suck.
and Wik [=
i like how these things let us have time together.
its nice to be around him.
haha it feels nice too.
so we blahblahblah today.
twas interesting.
inthegoodway.
i liked it.
he doesnt fail.[=
hes sweet.<3
he told me i was beautiful.
and i was in sweats and my hair was blah.
and yea [=
hes really sweet.
haha.
and i learned something today.
surprisingly..
but i dont mind.
[=
adds more special-ness to all this.
i like the way u hold me. we fit.
and i kissed u goodbye on ur check.
off to SRL afternoon @ rosas house
we watched a bunchof stuffs.
first...
dodgeball XD, funny movie.
then cook cookie dough.
and popcorn
and pictures
then... random other stuff.
like... two and a half men
rugrats
the news, lol
topmodel,etc.
fun.
i missed them alot.
good catch up.
wosa took out her scrapbook.
those were the days man...
gah,
and then
home.
and now.
[=
20 questions
and also,
that we'd be friends no matter what.
and
we'd take care of each other like now.
and like each other<3
and be there for each other.
and have fun / hang out more.
and..
we go out and get me a new teddy bear.
[=
but that would lead to kissing =X
and holding hands more =]
i wouldnt mind at all.
we'll seeeeeeeee
that we'd be friends no matter what.
and
we'd take care of each other like now.
and like each other<3
and be there for each other.
and have fun / hang out more.
and..
we go out and get me a new teddy bear.
[=
but that would lead to kissing =X
and holding hands more =]
i wouldnt mind at all.
we'll seeeeeeeee
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
10 songs
i bet i can find 10 songs to describe my life before you do.
1-Absolutely (Story of a Girl) [Nine Days]
2-Boston [Augustana]
3-With You [Jessica Simpson]
4-Yesterday [Atmosphere]
5-My Love/ Just Friends [Passion]
6-Nothing Lasts Forever [Maroon 5]
7-She Will Be Loved [Maroon 5]
8-Never Never Land [Lyfe Jennings]
9-No Such Thing [John Mayer]
10-Stop and Stare [OneRepublic]
11- Use Somebody [Kings of Leon]
12- Trippin [Zion I]
13-Well Done [Passion]
14-Who I am Hates Who I've been [Relient K]
15-A Thousand Miles [Vanessa Carlton]
16-Breakaway [Kelly Clarkson
17-Drops of Jupiter [Train]
18-Flavor of Life [....]
19-Half Life [Duncan Sheik]
20-Like You'll Never See Me Again [Alicia Keys]
21-Killing me Softly
22-Mr Nice Guy [Manny Garcia]
23-The Trouble With Love Is [Kelly Clarkson]
24-The Man Who Can't Be Moved [The Script]
25-Far Away [Nickelback]
26-The APL Song {BEP]
27-Where Is the Love [BEP]
28-Photograph [Nickelback]
...TBC..lateron. maybe.
gah.
must only have 10....
1-Absolutely (Story of a Girl) [Nine Days]
2-Boston [Augustana]
3-The APL Song [BEP]
4-Nothing Lasts Forever [Maroon 5]
5-She Will Be Loved [Maroon 5]
6-Never Never Land [Lyfe Jennings]
7-No Such Thing [John Mayer]
8-Stop and Stare [OneRepublic]
9-Who I am Hates Who I've been [Relient K]
10-Mr Nice Guy [Manny Garcia]
....
11-Killing me Softly -the sentimentalish...one o.o
[= i winnnnnn.
yay
1-Absolutely (Story of a Girl) [Nine Days]
2-Boston [Augustana]
3-With You [Jessica Simpson]
4-Yesterday [Atmosphere]
5-My Love/ Just Friends [Passion]
6-Nothing Lasts Forever [Maroon 5]
7-She Will Be Loved [Maroon 5]
8-Never Never Land [Lyfe Jennings]
9-No Such Thing [John Mayer]
10-Stop and Stare [OneRepublic]
11- Use Somebody [Kings of Leon]
12- Trippin [Zion I]
13-Well Done [Passion]
14-Who I am Hates Who I've been [Relient K]
15-A Thousand Miles [Vanessa Carlton]
16-Breakaway [Kelly Clarkson
17-Drops of Jupiter [Train]
18-Flavor of Life [....]
19-Half Life [Duncan Sheik]
20-Like You'll Never See Me Again [Alicia Keys]
21-Killing me Softly
22-Mr Nice Guy [Manny Garcia]
23-The Trouble With Love Is [Kelly Clarkson]
24-The Man Who Can't Be Moved [The Script]
25-Far Away [Nickelback]
26-The APL Song {BEP]
27-Where Is the Love [BEP]
28-Photograph [Nickelback]
...TBC..lateron. maybe.
gah.
must only have 10....
1-Absolutely (Story of a Girl) [Nine Days]
2-Boston [Augustana]
3-The APL Song [BEP]
4-Nothing Lasts Forever [Maroon 5]
5-She Will Be Loved [Maroon 5]
6-Never Never Land [Lyfe Jennings]
7-No Such Thing [John Mayer]
8-Stop and Stare [OneRepublic]
9-Who I am Hates Who I've been [Relient K]
10-Mr Nice Guy [Manny Garcia]
....
11-Killing me Softly -the sentimentalish...one o.o
[= i winnnnnn.
yay
Friday, March 26, 2010
new blogs
i have 2 new blog...things. places. lol
leahquill.blogspot.com
for my cardinal quill submissions
+ later.. i will change it... to something else,
but leave it up.
probly thewordsofleah or something.
AND
leah10.blogspot.com
its my day in 10 words or less.
i think this would be interesting.
[=
cant wait to white about my day tmrw.
hes... in the car.
real far...
i bet he can see stars.
oh!
the other day we saw mars
rawr.
x.x
leahquill.blogspot.com
for my cardinal quill submissions
+ later.. i will change it... to something else,
but leave it up.
probly thewordsofleah or something.
AND
leah10.blogspot.com
its my day in 10 words or less.
i think this would be interesting.
[=
cant wait to white about my day tmrw.
hes... in the car.
real far...
i bet he can see stars.
oh!
the other day we saw mars
rawr.
x.x
reply to ... blahblahblah
you dont fail.
nothing you're doing is complicating anything.
maybe the rest of my life is, but not you.
how do you feel like you're rushing it or overdoing it?
because im not so sure.
the way i see it, its fine..
but i dont really know,
i look at the stuffs that i had before.
and those... were rushed.
but i dunno.
its fine.
hmm.. falling?
;]
is that wat luat is telling you?
hes telling me something else =X
the maybes.
they always play a role in relationships.
the maybes and what ifs.
and i really like the fact that we can laugh about it in the end too.
i was thinking that afterwards. o.o wen i got in the car.
and blaaaaah.
we will still... see o.o
------
and... are they like... together or something?!?!?
C/A? or just idk... its o.o not weird. no maybe a little.
but yea. can i get a clarification on that.
nothing you're doing is complicating anything.
maybe the rest of my life is, but not you.
how do you feel like you're rushing it or overdoing it?
because im not so sure.
the way i see it, its fine..
but i dont really know,
i look at the stuffs that i had before.
and those... were rushed.
but i dunno.
its fine.
hmm.. falling?
;]
is that wat luat is telling you?
hes telling me something else =X
the maybes.
they always play a role in relationships.
the maybes and what ifs.
and i really like the fact that we can laugh about it in the end too.
i was thinking that afterwards. o.o wen i got in the car.
and blaaaaah.
we will still... see o.o
------
and... are they like... together or something?!?!?
C/A? or just idk... its o.o not weird. no maybe a little.
but yea. can i get a clarification on that.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
From Cardinal Quill 2001-2002
KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR
"One Day
I will come back for you
After I have figured out
all thte answers
Saving you has always been
A dream to me
To give each other a chance
For a new beginning
Throughout life
The tables have turned against us
But time and again
We have been there for each other
All the negative in my world
Has been opposed by you
I'd be dishonest if I didn't tell you
I owe you my happiness
So on the day you think
The world is going to end
And you have no way of getting out
That will be the day
When i will come back for you"
-James Ortiz
a Rose....
"A rose is a flower that every one loves to smell. Inside of the rose it goes around and around until it ends.
A rosa can be any kind of color. It can be red, yellow, white, or pink. It can be tall or short. It also can be any kind of shape or size. A rosa is very silent and it whispers when the wind blows, but it always sits still during the summer. It's color changes in each season. A rosa is a sign of love or friendship. Its stem is long and green and it also has thorns to protect itself. Its leaves fall down when the winter or summer comes in. It falls to the ground It falls until it hits the ground. Some people even rip off the leaves too. The ground helps the rosa to stand on itself so it can live."
-Tina Iv
TBC.
"One Day
I will come back for you
After I have figured out
all thte answers
Saving you has always been
A dream to me
To give each other a chance
For a new beginning
Throughout life
The tables have turned against us
But time and again
We have been there for each other
All the negative in my world
Has been opposed by you
I'd be dishonest if I didn't tell you
I owe you my happiness
So on the day you think
The world is going to end
And you have no way of getting out
That will be the day
When i will come back for you"
-James Ortiz
a Rose....
"A rose is a flower that every one loves to smell. Inside of the rose it goes around and around until it ends.
A rosa can be any kind of color. It can be red, yellow, white, or pink. It can be tall or short. It also can be any kind of shape or size. A rosa is very silent and it whispers when the wind blows, but it always sits still during the summer. It's color changes in each season. A rosa is a sign of love or friendship. Its stem is long and green and it also has thorns to protect itself. Its leaves fall down when the winter or summer comes in. It falls to the ground It falls until it hits the ground. Some people even rip off the leaves too. The ground helps the rosa to stand on itself so it can live."
-Tina Iv
TBC.
tmrw is my last fantastics
and there arent much people who care.
go freshmen ;D
lol, anyways...
i think its cute.
wats going on. its cute.
im happier now.
than.. u know before.
even tho all these stressful x.x crap stuff are happening at the same time.
its fine.
someone asked me to their prom. from a different school.
but im busy that week.. and i dont really think i want to go...o.o
really at all.
so i turned him down.
and only ONE person knows.
XD the reaction was funny tho.
oh wells,
hes just my friend. o.o
thas all,
phone.
[=
o.o
i found this really nice playlist i like.
http://www.playlist.com/playlist/19250525451?utm_source=homepage&utm_medium=feature&utm_campaign=MBYtwinmill712
theres alota random songs.
x.x
meow.
chicago today.
i had a fight con my mom..-ish
about saturday
and driving,... and blah.
then i asked her about watching the play with me.
which i told her yesterday.
and she forgot x.x
so im going with Wik.
interesting.
ATEH SHERYL<3
i cant wait.
go freshmen ;D
lol, anyways...
i think its cute.
wats going on. its cute.
im happier now.
than.. u know before.
even tho all these stressful x.x crap stuff are happening at the same time.
its fine.
someone asked me to their prom. from a different school.
but im busy that week.. and i dont really think i want to go...o.o
really at all.
so i turned him down.
and only ONE person knows.
XD the reaction was funny tho.
oh wells,
hes just my friend. o.o
thas all,
phone.
[=
o.o
i found this really nice playlist i like.
http://www.playlist.com/playlist/19250525451?utm_source=homepage&utm_medium=feature&utm_campaign=MBYtwinmill712
theres alota random songs.
x.x
meow.
chicago today.
i had a fight con my mom..-ish
about saturday
and driving,... and blah.
then i asked her about watching the play with me.
which i told her yesterday.
and she forgot x.x
so im going with Wik.
interesting.
ATEH SHERYL<3
i cant wait.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
the first day of spring.
was wonderful. [=
i got a full nights sleep last night. i slept at around 10 and woke up around 7... [but fell asleep again for a good.... hour D=]
picked up jennie and marvin and went to meadow fair community center. for litter pick up community service required by FYC for battle points. o.o
and from our school, me jovey jennie nathaniel marvin and ken
we went down one street x.x and realized... there were hella ppl in this area.
so we went to the area near my house [because of my suggestion? / because i said lol]
uhm... we got there.. and we split boys and girls.
then... an hour later we see a who bunch of other people with those neon green vests walking down the same way we came from.
fail on their part i guess x.x we cleaned the area really well.
and then we did took a bathroom break and my house..
AND I FOUND OUT I GOT INTO UOP!!!!!!!
i got so happy [=
cuz thats my 2nd choice school.
and its the one ill be going to.
[Berklee.... isnt too realistic right now]
then went to welch to pick up trash there.
after a 10 min or so break.... swings :D and lying down...
we headed back to the community center to drop off our stuff.
[bags, gloves, vests, armthingy...etc]
then drop off people
then CVC.
D= i thot we'd still be able to make some of the practices.
but i guess not.
its ok tho, we helped out afterwards.
:D i helped make a cloud!
with chi and eric.
sorta,
the cloud was cut out on cardboard
we just traced, cut and taped paper onto it.
and jovey painted it :D
then blahblahblah
me and jovey went to in n out.
[= fun.
joveyleahtime.
then we went back and blah.
*inserts thoughts
-i really like your hugs.
the way i feel is.... hard to explain?
but i like em.
hahaha, they're hella long.
and meaningful.
and comfortable.
[=
and i got a couple today.
it made me extra happy.
-----
i told you i had a weird dream with you in it..
but i..didnt tell you everything.
we were in 'SF' right?
and we got outta that crazy car that could drive on water..
and we went into this hotel
and walked around with the other random people.
i cant really remember everything about it.
but then we faced each other and i remember the was an archway towards a room behind you. and i remember shelley and other ppl im not sure.. were in there... painting o.o on the floor.
and then yea. so we're facing each other.
and then =*
yea... multiple times..
and then the dream continued.
i dont remember much after that...
but really...
its the first time i dream about.... kissing someone.
if im not actually with that person.
just an interesting thing i thot of the whole day.
because... idk. it was a very strange dream.
*end thoughts.
theeeen my mom picked me up
and we went home.
then i got bored started my laundry and played piano
then ROSA CAME :D
because we were planning to record something for her school... for IB[?]
and stuff.
so yea.
i missed rosa alottttttt.
i was happy wen she got there.
lol ask her and my mom.
it was like
"OMGGGGGGG ITS WOOOOOSAAAAA"
hugsforevertimesinfinity.
and we had hella laughs today.
but decided.
we ultimately fail and will continue this on monday.
[i will skip musicman for her] x.x
cuz its due on wednesday...
then she left... pianopiano.
laundry.
and this.
x.x tmrw
10/11-2pm kasama officer meeting
2-5pm CVC practice
6-8 church
x.x where does hw go?
NOWHEREEEEEEEE
x.x
D+ i learned when batlle is this year.
... its the day after pops concerts D=
heres my may schedule [id rather not look at april x.x =[ ]
may 1- full ap calc simulation
may 5- ap calc test
may 8- prom [=
may 10-senior ditch day
may 19- senior vs staff basketball [kasama]
may 20- pops concert [last high school concert. MUST BE EPIC]
may 21- battle of the tribes. [we HAVE to win >=O]
may 21... is also cardinal holiday. x.x
...
then i dont really care after that.
lol
tho i think the physics/calc/stats field trip is the 21st which would SUCK.
mr k said hed check... to change it.
=/ i hope its changed!
i got a full nights sleep last night. i slept at around 10 and woke up around 7... [but fell asleep again for a good.... hour D=]
picked up jennie and marvin and went to meadow fair community center. for litter pick up community service required by FYC for battle points. o.o
and from our school, me jovey jennie nathaniel marvin and ken
we went down one street x.x and realized... there were hella ppl in this area.
so we went to the area near my house [because of my suggestion? / because i said lol]
uhm... we got there.. and we split boys and girls.
then... an hour later we see a who bunch of other people with those neon green vests walking down the same way we came from.
fail on their part i guess x.x we cleaned the area really well.
and then we did took a bathroom break and my house..
AND I FOUND OUT I GOT INTO UOP!!!!!!!
i got so happy [=
cuz thats my 2nd choice school.
and its the one ill be going to.
[Berklee.... isnt too realistic right now]
then went to welch to pick up trash there.
after a 10 min or so break.... swings :D and lying down...
we headed back to the community center to drop off our stuff.
[bags, gloves, vests, armthingy...etc]
then drop off people
then CVC.
D= i thot we'd still be able to make some of the practices.
but i guess not.
its ok tho, we helped out afterwards.
:D i helped make a cloud!
with chi and eric.
sorta,
the cloud was cut out on cardboard
we just traced, cut and taped paper onto it.
and jovey painted it :D
then blahblahblah
me and jovey went to in n out.
[= fun.
joveyleahtime.
then we went back and blah.
*inserts thoughts
-i really like your hugs.
the way i feel is.... hard to explain?
but i like em.
hahaha, they're hella long.
and meaningful.
and comfortable.
[=
and i got a couple today.
it made me extra happy.
-----
i told you i had a weird dream with you in it..
but i..didnt tell you everything.
we were in 'SF' right?
and we got outta that crazy car that could drive on water..
and we went into this hotel
and walked around with the other random people.
i cant really remember everything about it.
but then we faced each other and i remember the was an archway towards a room behind you. and i remember shelley and other ppl im not sure.. were in there... painting o.o on the floor.
and then yea. so we're facing each other.
and then =*
yea... multiple times..
and then the dream continued.
i dont remember much after that...
but really...
its the first time i dream about.... kissing someone.
if im not actually with that person.
just an interesting thing i thot of the whole day.
because... idk. it was a very strange dream.
*end thoughts.
theeeen my mom picked me up
and we went home.
then i got bored started my laundry and played piano
then ROSA CAME :D
because we were planning to record something for her school... for IB[?]
and stuff.
so yea.
i missed rosa alottttttt.
i was happy wen she got there.
lol ask her and my mom.
it was like
"OMGGGGGGG ITS WOOOOOSAAAAA"
hugsforevertimesinfinity.
and we had hella laughs today.
but decided.
we ultimately fail and will continue this on monday.
[i will skip musicman for her] x.x
cuz its due on wednesday...
then she left... pianopiano.
laundry.
and this.
x.x tmrw
10/11-2pm kasama officer meeting
2-5pm CVC practice
6-8 church
x.x where does hw go?
NOWHEREEEEEEEE
x.x
D+ i learned when batlle is this year.
... its the day after pops concerts D=
heres my may schedule [id rather not look at april x.x =[ ]
may 1- full ap calc simulation
may 5- ap calc test
may 8- prom [=
may 10-senior ditch day
may 19- senior vs staff basketball [kasama]
may 20- pops concert [last high school concert. MUST BE EPIC]
may 21- battle of the tribes. [we HAVE to win >=O]
may 21... is also cardinal holiday. x.x
...
then i dont really care after that.
lol
tho i think the physics/calc/stats field trip is the 21st which would SUCK.
mr k said hed check... to change it.
=/ i hope its changed!
Monday, March 15, 2010
blogconscious
yea.
exactly.
and im tired right now too.
today wasnt really that special.
but i felt like blogging.
haha.
well, mrs robinson is making us do this lit circle thing.
so each person in our group set up a blogger account
and i have to blog x.x for hw.
it isnt really.. appealing.
but watever.
www.edufa5.blogspot.com
thas my hw. x.x
and... yea...
exactly.
and im tired right now too.
today wasnt really that special.
but i felt like blogging.
haha.
well, mrs robinson is making us do this lit circle thing.
so each person in our group set up a blogger account
and i have to blog x.x for hw.
it isnt really.. appealing.
but watever.
www.edufa5.blogspot.com
thas my hw. x.x
and... yea...
Sunday, March 14, 2010
before i start my hw...
i shall blog about my weekend.
oh geez.
calc test. x.x i was scared. but i got a B :D overall [and on both m/c and essay]
panda express + coldstone w/ mom
then CVC practice
then 'kasama' practice
=O then me and jovey went to Jamba juice.
but like... my mom was there, but i already got in the car and we were driving x.x
so my mom saw me in joveys car wen she was driving it X=
but she dint say anything wen we got back.
i told her where we went and everything XD
oh,
so wen we went to jamba juice.
jovey was all ima make my name... amanda.
o.o so i wanted to change my name too =P
we were hella thinking of things.
from chelsea to...idk.. random stuff.
i ended up using erica.
bwaha.
then we went back and she went home and went to ateh sheryls house to watch the pacquiao fight
by this time it was only... 4pm. x.x
but i was exhausted.
i got there and there wasnt many people
rosa was apposed to come, but she couldnt =[
i miss that girl.
:D at least i got to spend quality time with ateh
i saw her.. cousin[?] and he reminded my of my older brother ryan D=
i miss them. they're coming back in a month. i cant wait! [=
and theyre gonna bring back presents ! muahaha.
uhm
so yea,
this was the first pacquiao fight i watched FULLY.
before ive only watched pieces or some of it. and didnt stay for all of it.
but the first time i watch it.. it sucked =[
the guy didnt even fight back at all... and it lasted all 12 rounds.
we jus watched some guy get beat up by pacman.
and like... in the end. pacquiao threw 832 [or something] more punches than the other guy ! x.x
good food =P
then we watched TV until my mom picked me up around 10:30.
then... home... x.x blahblah, fail attempt to do hw.
practice piano.
... random stuff to get ready for tmrw and the rest of the week
reminded self of daylight savings time.
D= dam loss of an hour of sleep.
i woke up the next morning.. at 6... or now 7
i have no idea why.
i remember i had this really weird dream, but i dont remember wat it was about =/
then church.
then i got a text from ryan about prom practice at 12 x.x
[but church ends around that time. soo rushrushrush afterwards.
i got there wen they were taking a tour of the place.
blahblah.
prom practice. XD funny. its fast, but its cute.
then kasama practice stuff for performance.
then we left.
to gilroy.
in 3 cars.
we passed by really nice/weird/huge houses x.x
i got there first,
it was a nice house.
the lady was throwing a promotion party. o.o
some guy got promoted.
it was ...interesting.
we got there, ate. there was a jumper and a trampoline and a nice lawn and nice weather.
it was nice XD
then we got ready to perform.
auntie wilma [who hired us]
called me saying she was there and she'd send he son over to watch and give us gas money.
tinikling started. it was cool [= people liked it.
then long speech of the people getting promoted. hes filipino :D
then hiphop =X
and wilmas son. was cute ;D
everyone said so.
muahahha.
but i got to talk to him. hehe,
idk if thats ever gonna happen again,
but hey [= i know his mom!
hahahaha jk. -.-
then we took pics .... and eventually left.
ryans car went to sonics
joveys car went home
and
me and my mom went to my nephews birthday party.
it was ok.
not a normal family get together..
because theres alota drama going on in my family =/
i guess it was fine.
x.x more party food.
jeez ive been eating alot.
i should... stop x.x
and yea.
now... i will start hw?
and... we'll see from there.
bye!
oh geez.
calc test. x.x i was scared. but i got a B :D overall [and on both m/c and essay]
panda express + coldstone w/ mom
then CVC practice
then 'kasama' practice
=O then me and jovey went to Jamba juice.
but like... my mom was there, but i already got in the car and we were driving x.x
so my mom saw me in joveys car wen she was driving it X=
but she dint say anything wen we got back.
i told her where we went and everything XD
oh,
so wen we went to jamba juice.
jovey was all ima make my name... amanda.
o.o so i wanted to change my name too =P
we were hella thinking of things.
from chelsea to...idk.. random stuff.
i ended up using erica.
bwaha.
then we went back and she went home and went to ateh sheryls house to watch the pacquiao fight
by this time it was only... 4pm. x.x
but i was exhausted.
i got there and there wasnt many people
rosa was apposed to come, but she couldnt =[
i miss that girl.
:D at least i got to spend quality time with ateh
i saw her.. cousin[?] and he reminded my of my older brother ryan D=
i miss them. they're coming back in a month. i cant wait! [=
and theyre gonna bring back presents ! muahaha.
uhm
so yea,
this was the first pacquiao fight i watched FULLY.
before ive only watched pieces or some of it. and didnt stay for all of it.
but the first time i watch it.. it sucked =[
the guy didnt even fight back at all... and it lasted all 12 rounds.
we jus watched some guy get beat up by pacman.
and like... in the end. pacquiao threw 832 [or something] more punches than the other guy ! x.x
good food =P
then we watched TV until my mom picked me up around 10:30.
then... home... x.x blahblah, fail attempt to do hw.
practice piano.
... random stuff to get ready for tmrw and the rest of the week
reminded self of daylight savings time.
D= dam loss of an hour of sleep.
i woke up the next morning.. at 6... or now 7
i have no idea why.
i remember i had this really weird dream, but i dont remember wat it was about =/
then church.
then i got a text from ryan about prom practice at 12 x.x
[but church ends around that time. soo rushrushrush afterwards.
i got there wen they were taking a tour of the place.
blahblah.
prom practice. XD funny. its fast, but its cute.
then kasama practice stuff for performance.
then we left.
to gilroy.
in 3 cars.
we passed by really nice/weird/huge houses x.x
i got there first,
it was a nice house.
the lady was throwing a promotion party. o.o
some guy got promoted.
it was ...interesting.
we got there, ate. there was a jumper and a trampoline and a nice lawn and nice weather.
it was nice XD
then we got ready to perform.
auntie wilma [who hired us]
called me saying she was there and she'd send he son over to watch and give us gas money.
tinikling started. it was cool [= people liked it.
then long speech of the people getting promoted. hes filipino :D
then hiphop =X
and wilmas son. was cute ;D
everyone said so.
muahahha.
but i got to talk to him. hehe,
idk if thats ever gonna happen again,
but hey [= i know his mom!
hahahaha jk. -.-
then we took pics .... and eventually left.
ryans car went to sonics
joveys car went home
and
me and my mom went to my nephews birthday party.
it was ok.
not a normal family get together..
because theres alota drama going on in my family =/
i guess it was fine.
x.x more party food.
jeez ive been eating alot.
i should... stop x.x
and yea.
now... i will start hw?
and... we'll see from there.
bye!
Friday, March 12, 2010
its friday.
today,
i was supposed to wake up early so i could go to school early.
cuz my mom needed to go to work early.
but i didnt. x.x i couldnt wake up until 7:45. which is still pretty early for me o.o
but not early enough for my mom, at least she waited for me...
hm, my plan was supposed to be... wake up...
call wik. to ask if he wanted to o.o run... yes run. like.. go running.
[to make up for that one time, i walked all the way up to the track and he asked me to run w. him and i didnt.. cuz i didnt have shorts and i dint wanna run in pants. and blah]..
and then be at school around 7:45/8.
but then again... im not even shure if id want to ask him x.x
maybe itd be too much. idk.
so yea. i got to school... in b/t passing period.
i was late by around a minute because i needed to go to my locker.
choir clean up theater. - some people left because of EVC placement test. they said u had to sign up for the test.. but i only applied i didnt know you had to sign up for the test x.x so i didnt go with them.
band.. clean up theater - during announcements i heard something about prom and seniors and picking up something. but i wasnt sure wat it was o.o
brunch sit.
psychology watch serial killer video.. theres only have the class for some strange reason. then jovey came in and i realized its blood drive day.
english i have alota do next week =/ i needa set up another blogger for the assignment due next monday. and read this long play thing... and find more nonfiction sources for my research project .. then i got a pass to go to the library during 5th or 6th period to do the placement thing. and thats wen i learned once u apply.. u just take the test x.x
so at lunch me and reuben went to the library. and... velez made us come in... [but i left my stuff in k's already D=] and sit and take it. i didnt realize how much i hated tests until today. x.x it was too long. it was easy, but long. i got thru it faster than reuben tho.. maybe its cuz i got a head start by like 5-10min. in the end the score printed out and randy says i did really good. that i can enter straight into english 1a and calculus 1. by that time it was halfway thru 7th period. and i didnt want to end my week in torres's class. i wondered wat to do...
i got out and got my stuff in k's class and walked outside and adrian and chris and jackie and michelle and this one girl ere there. so i asked adrian if he wanted to go early. we were going to but michelle said she still had to go home and get ready... so i was either gonna go to their house or stay. i choose to stay.. because.. yea, i found out jovey wanted to come after all [at the same moment], so id wait for her. i told adrian i would go to torrex x.x then, i passed by the junior quad and saw some guy go into cavadas. :D brilliant idea. i will hang out with L because... i knew hed be in there for some reason... and...yea in my mind hang out with wik. but he wasnt there. L and V were, so i just stayed there and chilled. he was played that one card game on fb and told me about how wik got level12 or something in a day and it took him a week. haha
and yea. then wik called =o
and said something about where was i during lunch and stuff and i guess he was there at lunch too o.o then he said something about picking up gifts for prom thingy. and i dint know.... exactly.. but he got them. o.o idk wat they are..... or why or blah.
ill call him later to find out.
then i had to go cuz jovey got there and we left to Gmall
im so tired.
because we circled the mall like.. a million times.
[not really] more like once or twice but... we went back and forth and throughout stores ALOT.
i got a new tank top.
new bows/stuff for my hair [=
and a new bag.
yay.
good 'relax' afternoon. even tho im pooped x.x
blah.
now time to... study for calc. and maybe read for english [maybe tmrw...]
and call.
tmrw,
calc test.
cvc
[skip sfsu audition- cuz my moms ok with it too o.O]
kasama
sheryls house [=
long-ish day tmrw too.
i might fall asleep at sherys house. gah, i should bring sweats.
i was supposed to wake up early so i could go to school early.
cuz my mom needed to go to work early.
but i didnt. x.x i couldnt wake up until 7:45. which is still pretty early for me o.o
but not early enough for my mom, at least she waited for me...
hm, my plan was supposed to be... wake up...
call wik. to ask if he wanted to o.o run... yes run. like.. go running.
[to make up for that one time, i walked all the way up to the track and he asked me to run w. him and i didnt.. cuz i didnt have shorts and i dint wanna run in pants. and blah]..
and then be at school around 7:45/8.
but then again... im not even shure if id want to ask him x.x
maybe itd be too much. idk.
so yea. i got to school... in b/t passing period.
i was late by around a minute because i needed to go to my locker.
choir clean up theater. - some people left because of EVC placement test. they said u had to sign up for the test.. but i only applied i didnt know you had to sign up for the test x.x so i didnt go with them.
band.. clean up theater - during announcements i heard something about prom and seniors and picking up something. but i wasnt sure wat it was o.o
brunch sit.
psychology watch serial killer video.. theres only have the class for some strange reason. then jovey came in and i realized its blood drive day.
english i have alota do next week =/ i needa set up another blogger for the assignment due next monday. and read this long play thing... and find more nonfiction sources for my research project .. then i got a pass to go to the library during 5th or 6th period to do the placement thing. and thats wen i learned once u apply.. u just take the test x.x
so at lunch me and reuben went to the library. and... velez made us come in... [but i left my stuff in k's already D=] and sit and take it. i didnt realize how much i hated tests until today. x.x it was too long. it was easy, but long. i got thru it faster than reuben tho.. maybe its cuz i got a head start by like 5-10min. in the end the score printed out and randy says i did really good. that i can enter straight into english 1a and calculus 1. by that time it was halfway thru 7th period. and i didnt want to end my week in torres's class. i wondered wat to do...
i got out and got my stuff in k's class and walked outside and adrian and chris and jackie and michelle and this one girl ere there. so i asked adrian if he wanted to go early. we were going to but michelle said she still had to go home and get ready... so i was either gonna go to their house or stay. i choose to stay.. because.. yea, i found out jovey wanted to come after all [at the same moment], so id wait for her. i told adrian i would go to torrex x.x then, i passed by the junior quad and saw some guy go into cavadas. :D brilliant idea. i will hang out with L because... i knew hed be in there for some reason... and...yea in my mind hang out with wik. but he wasnt there. L and V were, so i just stayed there and chilled. he was played that one card game on fb and told me about how wik got level12 or something in a day and it took him a week. haha
and yea. then wik called =o
and said something about where was i during lunch and stuff and i guess he was there at lunch too o.o then he said something about picking up gifts for prom thingy. and i dint know.... exactly.. but he got them. o.o idk wat they are..... or why or blah.
ill call him later to find out.
then i had to go cuz jovey got there and we left to Gmall
im so tired.
because we circled the mall like.. a million times.
[not really] more like once or twice but... we went back and forth and throughout stores ALOT.
i got a new tank top.
new bows/stuff for my hair [=
and a new bag.
yay.
good 'relax' afternoon. even tho im pooped x.x
blah.
now time to... study for calc. and maybe read for english [maybe tmrw...]
and call.
tmrw,
calc test.
cvc
[skip sfsu audition- cuz my moms ok with it too o.O]
kasama
sheryls house [=
long-ish day tmrw too.
i might fall asleep at sherys house. gah, i should bring sweats.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
p.
i dont wanna sound too overly obsessed or overly engrossed in the thought of going to prom.
[because at the beginning of the year[ish] i wasnt even planning on going]
but ...
wat are we gonna wear??
i mean, thats a pretty legitimate question right?
hm,
ill bring it up with him laterlater,
cuz once again, i dont wanna seem... iurgnoeiufs0diufnsn about it.
[=
oh! i asked him to go watch Up with me.
at the Puente dinner/movie thing.
he said maybe...
which might lead to no.
so i wont expect anything, i guess.
hahaha. yes.
"we'll see".
_____________________________________
on a different note;
yay, last high school spring concert.
fooorreverrrr.
=X
last 'district festival' kinda thing foreverrrrrr.
fun with overfelt and james lick bands.
i saw a couple of old acquaintances like juaquin and ... im not exactly sure about the other ppls names x.x
[=
ONE more concert.
and the next concert has to MINDBLOWING. it has to be SO SUPERLY AWESOME.
that it will never EVER be forgotten in the history of MP music.
forreal.
[adv. choir will agree] -talk session after they performed x.x
anyways.....yea,
tmrw i will go to Gmall to chill with adrian/ jovey[?]
so adrian can... get at? [good choice of words] that one girl.
good luck to him. =/
"window shopping" :D to relax before test.
then study.
then text. then CVC then Kasama.
then kasama performance.
meeting monday.
fyc tuesday
core wednesday
foodfest friday.
community service saturday + Rons birthday...
and the rest of my life will go from there
i thinik i went over this already.
[not exactly shure.. but it feels like it]
:D
night, im not reading like i planned.
im tired.
[because at the beginning of the year[ish] i wasnt even planning on going]
but ...
wat are we gonna wear??
i mean, thats a pretty legitimate question right?
hm,
ill bring it up with him laterlater,
cuz once again, i dont wanna seem... iurgnoeiufs0diufnsn about it.
[=
oh! i asked him to go watch Up with me.
at the Puente dinner/movie thing.
he said maybe...
which might lead to no.
so i wont expect anything, i guess.
hahaha. yes.
"we'll see".
_____________________________________
on a different note;
yay, last high school spring concert.
fooorreverrrr.
=X
last 'district festival' kinda thing foreverrrrrr.
fun with overfelt and james lick bands.
i saw a couple of old acquaintances like juaquin and ... im not exactly sure about the other ppls names x.x
[=
ONE more concert.
and the next concert has to MINDBLOWING. it has to be SO SUPERLY AWESOME.
that it will never EVER be forgotten in the history of MP music.
forreal.
[adv. choir will agree] -talk session after they performed x.x
anyways.....yea,
tmrw i will go to Gmall to chill with adrian/ jovey[?]
so adrian can... get at? [good choice of words] that one girl.
good luck to him. =/
"window shopping" :D to relax before test.
then study.
then text. then CVC then Kasama.
then kasama performance.
meeting monday.
fyc tuesday
core wednesday
foodfest friday.
community service saturday + Rons birthday...
and the rest of my life will go from there
i thinik i went over this already.
[not exactly shure.. but it feels like it]
:D
night, im not reading like i planned.
im tired.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
i think im losing it.
my mind.
im losing it.
i was totally gonna go to the mall with adrian today...
and i forgot about music man AND core.
blah.
so i have all this on my mind.
and its rawr.
like...
family/ new responsibilities
calculus
other school subjects [especially english w/ its research project =/]
music man
band concerts
kasama stuff [outside performances, food fest stuff, fundraisers, senior VS staff]
BATTLE [finance head.... core x.x]
CVC :D [just fashion shows tho]
job....
its SENIOR YEAR DAMMIT.
its our last semester of high school, forever.
and ...
im busy =[
i dun like it.
i guess its my fault.
but honeslty.
im not even signed up for much
just... school, kasama and band/choir/drama thing.
its relatively not much...
hm,
at least after this weekend, itd be a little better.
cuz tmrw is band concert
saturday is calc. / SFSU audition?
sunday is kasama outside performance.
then after that...19th is food festival
20th attend thing... for battle points.
20th = Rons birthday :D
i wanna get him a breakdancing mat.
but i have no idea where to get it =[
we'll see.
27th= kasama outside performance and joveys church
april x.x
may x.x
june....
OMG.
ahh, life.
i feel the strong need to...
blog.
i will post another in a bit.
=/
oh !
to add on.. cuz this is random.
i am really losing it x.x
uhm,
i realized how much i like blogger/blogspot better than tumblr.
because..
everyone reads/uses tumblr.
and not many people read this.
and if they do. it shows they care [=
cuz they go outta their way to read something about me
like ateh sheryl and kuya jeff and rosa [depending]
and idk who else really.
i like knowing they care :D
im losing it.
i was totally gonna go to the mall with adrian today...
and i forgot about music man AND core.
blah.
so i have all this on my mind.
and its rawr.
like...
family/ new responsibilities
calculus
other school subjects [especially english w/ its research project =/]
music man
band concerts
kasama stuff [outside performances, food fest stuff, fundraisers, senior VS staff]
BATTLE [finance head.... core x.x]
CVC :D [just fashion shows tho]
job....
its SENIOR YEAR DAMMIT.
its our last semester of high school, forever.
and ...
im busy =[
i dun like it.
i guess its my fault.
but honeslty.
im not even signed up for much
just... school, kasama and band/choir/drama thing.
its relatively not much...
hm,
at least after this weekend, itd be a little better.
cuz tmrw is band concert
saturday is calc. / SFSU audition?
sunday is kasama outside performance.
then after that...19th is food festival
20th attend thing... for battle points.
20th = Rons birthday :D
i wanna get him a breakdancing mat.
but i have no idea where to get it =[
we'll see.
27th= kasama outside performance and joveys church
april x.x
may x.x
june....
OMG.
ahh, life.
i feel the strong need to...
blog.
i will post another in a bit.
=/
oh !
to add on.. cuz this is random.
i am really losing it x.x
uhm,
i realized how much i like blogger/blogspot better than tumblr.
because..
everyone reads/uses tumblr.
and not many people read this.
and if they do. it shows they care [=
cuz they go outta their way to read something about me
like ateh sheryl and kuya jeff and rosa [depending]
and idk who else really.
i like knowing they care :D
Sunday, March 7, 2010
i think my mother disowned me.
because i didnt want to go to church today.
now shes mad at me,
doesnt want to give me rides, cook me food, talk to me.
so i screwed my life over..
because i didnt want to go to a place where i dont feel like i belong.
a place where im forced to sit there... -.- and listen.
a place where i dont feel comfortable.
im not hating christianity. or anything.
i just.... dont enjoy going to church.
its boring and i feel out of place.
ur not supposed to force people to go anyway.
she freaking gives more allowance if u go to church.
so my freakin brother gets paid to sit there.
with her.
i guess its a filipino thing,
to be religious and all..
but i dont feel the need to be religious.
as long as im a good person.
i think im fine.
but she things im evil.
like im some sort of evil... thing.
and she doesnt want anything to do with me.
just because i didnt want to go to church.
is this fair?
because i have my own opinion about things.
im shunned.
..by my own mother.
but i guess thats how life goes right?
i wish i could just go back to work on sunday mornings.
instead of having wake up 'early' and sit there and listen.
and feel... bored and out of place.
[yes im repetitive because... its how i freakin feel]
gee thanks mom.
if u think ignoring ur daughter will bring u closer to God.
go ahead and do it.
but even the prodigal son came back,
in time.
and if that even ever happens.
i wonder if ull even care.
now shes mad at me,
doesnt want to give me rides, cook me food, talk to me.
so i screwed my life over..
because i didnt want to go to a place where i dont feel like i belong.
a place where im forced to sit there... -.- and listen.
a place where i dont feel comfortable.
im not hating christianity. or anything.
i just.... dont enjoy going to church.
its boring and i feel out of place.
ur not supposed to force people to go anyway.
she freaking gives more allowance if u go to church.
so my freakin brother gets paid to sit there.
with her.
i guess its a filipino thing,
to be religious and all..
but i dont feel the need to be religious.
as long as im a good person.
i think im fine.
but she things im evil.
like im some sort of evil... thing.
and she doesnt want anything to do with me.
just because i didnt want to go to church.
is this fair?
because i have my own opinion about things.
im shunned.
..by my own mother.
but i guess thats how life goes right?
i wish i could just go back to work on sunday mornings.
instead of having wake up 'early' and sit there and listen.
and feel... bored and out of place.
[yes im repetitive because... its how i freakin feel]
gee thanks mom.
if u think ignoring ur daughter will bring u closer to God.
go ahead and do it.
but even the prodigal son came back,
in time.
and if that even ever happens.
i wonder if ull even care.
p. thoughts[continued]
im confused.
i had a talk with L
and ...
this is getting more... blah every time.
cuz like...
yea
i used to like u
and u used to like me.
but it was blah because of.. 'kira'
and ..
now we're like super awesomely close friends.
id say best friends.
and u asked me to prom.
and i said yes.
at that moment.. i sorta felt something.
but i have no idea wat im really feeling.
because,
i told L, and i told him not to tell u
but i feel like im over him...
uknow... because of alota reasons.
i still care about him.. as a friend [sorta] not even really sometimes.
but yea,
not LOVE him anymore.
i dont think about him alot.
i lost the dogtag. and i ... dont really care.
and im getting tired of sleeping with this teddy bear.
i wanted to go out and make another teddy bear [=
but idk wen thatll happen.
u shall be Wik.
because its so hard to always put 'you....'youyouyouyou
rawr.
and yea.
L. told me u think i really really like u.
and i have no idea if u feel like thats a good thing or... a bad thing.
u know,
if u want me to like u..
or...
u dont want me to like u
we sorta talked about it before
but yea.
u said u thot of me as a really really close friend.
so i guess thats ok.
i dont mind.
in the end, i wouldnt mind if we stayed friends like this or ... kinda went further.
id still be happy either way.
but as i have said before
we'll see. =/
only time will tell?
we're still getting that teddy bear tho =P
but... i havent told u a couple of things.
like,
about Natao.
and AHo
but its cuz... it shouldnt really matter.
im not too interested in them... as much as u
but... not like that.
gah,
its confusing.
yea.....
i had a talk with L
and ...
this is getting more... blah every time.
cuz like...
yea
i used to like u
and u used to like me.
but it was blah because of.. 'kira'
and ..
now we're like super awesomely close friends.
id say best friends.
and u asked me to prom.
and i said yes.
at that moment.. i sorta felt something.
but i have no idea wat im really feeling.
because,
i told L, and i told him not to tell u
but i feel like im over him...
uknow... because of alota reasons.
i still care about him.. as a friend [sorta] not even really sometimes.
but yea,
not LOVE him anymore.
i dont think about him alot.
i lost the dogtag. and i ... dont really care.
and im getting tired of sleeping with this teddy bear.
i wanted to go out and make another teddy bear [=
but idk wen thatll happen.
u shall be Wik.
because its so hard to always put 'you....'youyouyouyou
rawr.
and yea.
L. told me u think i really really like u.
and i have no idea if u feel like thats a good thing or... a bad thing.
u know,
if u want me to like u..
or...
u dont want me to like u
we sorta talked about it before
but yea.
u said u thot of me as a really really close friend.
so i guess thats ok.
i dont mind.
in the end, i wouldnt mind if we stayed friends like this or ... kinda went further.
id still be happy either way.
but as i have said before
we'll see. =/
only time will tell?
we're still getting that teddy bear tho =P
but... i havent told u a couple of things.
like,
about Natao.
and AHo
but its cuz... it shouldnt really matter.
im not too interested in them... as much as u
but... not like that.
gah,
its confusing.
yea.....
Saturday, March 6, 2010
so im going to prom.
and only....
SRL<3
jovey
'kasama officers' -jasmine, stacey, matthew, kuya aj +[jovey]
reuben
and denise know.
interesting.
'only' x.x
oh, and luat and ashley...
blah. not sure who else.
justin and alex? idk
=/
this'll be interesting.
this will significantly change something.
i feel it.
but...
yea,
Luat.
we'll see!!!
SRL<3
jovey
'kasama officers' -jasmine, stacey, matthew, kuya aj +[jovey]
reuben
and denise know.
interesting.
'only' x.x
oh, and luat and ashley...
blah. not sure who else.
justin and alex? idk
=/
this'll be interesting.
this will significantly change something.
i feel it.
but...
yea,
Luat.
we'll see!!!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
thank you
thank you
for everything.
for having a successful multi.
for being there for me during 5th period
for being there for me during 6th period.
for bring there for me on the phone and being one of my best friends [=
for telling me to keep it up and dont cry.
for helping me through my tough times
for sharing my struggle
for understanding
for not being too hard on me
for trying
for staying quiet wen i needed you to be
for not lecturing me
for showing me who my friends are.
for letting me let go of you
for the fun times we had
for smiling and laughing with me
for eating out with me
for going 'shopping' with me
for malls
for answering my random questions.
for singing with me
for not judging me
for wishing me luck
for knowing
for acknowledging me
for helping me carry stuff
for not making me do alot of classwork this week/month
for letting me pass calculus x.x barely
for that $500 scholarship.
for money.. sorta
for kuya jeff.
for my brother
for my mom.. sorta,
for jovey
for eric
for everyone who has done anything to help me.
for my phone x.x
for piano
for being able to use piano to let go... and relax.
for my uke
for being able to sorta sing [lol]
for internet
for music.
for the 'unity'
for kasama
for FYC
for school friends
for close friends
for boys ;] hah.
for food
for shelter
for life.
thank you guys for everything
for everything.
for having a successful multi.
for being there for me during 5th period
for being there for me during 6th period.
for bring there for me on the phone and being one of my best friends [=
for telling me to keep it up and dont cry.
for helping me through my tough times
for sharing my struggle
for understanding
for not being too hard on me
for trying
for staying quiet wen i needed you to be
for not lecturing me
for showing me who my friends are.
for letting me let go of you
for the fun times we had
for smiling and laughing with me
for eating out with me
for going 'shopping' with me
for malls
for answering my random questions.
for singing with me
for not judging me
for wishing me luck
for knowing
for acknowledging me
for helping me carry stuff
for not making me do alot of classwork this week/month
for letting me pass calculus x.x barely
for that $500 scholarship.
for money.. sorta
for kuya jeff.
for my brother
for my mom.. sorta,
for jovey
for eric
for everyone who has done anything to help me.
for my phone x.x
for piano
for being able to use piano to let go... and relax.
for my uke
for being able to sorta sing [lol]
for internet
for music.
for the 'unity'
for kasama
for FYC
for school friends
for close friends
for boys ;] hah.
for food
for shelter
for life.
thank you guys for everything
Saturday, February 20, 2010
first love blind sided. =[
oh.. yahoo. how i adore your articles...
Which element of a breakup dictates recovery time more: the type of breakup, or the person you broke up with? My theory is the type of breakup you experience determines how long it takes to get over it more than the actual person.
Here are 7 different types of breakups ranked by shortest recovery time to longest recovery time:
7. The Mutual Breakup
This is as peaceful a breakup as you can have, like when the entire family agrees it's time to pull the plug on grandpa's respirator: he is freed of his misery, and the family feels a sense of relief. I've never had a mutual breakup. I can't catch that lightning in a bottle. But it can't be that tough to recover from a mutual breakup and get back out in the dating scene again.
6. The Circumstantial Breakup
A cousin of the mutual breakup, the circumstantial breakup occurs when the environment around you won't permit the relationship to continue: my parents hate you, you're in Cali and I'm in NY (or even, you're one town over), I need to be single for a while, etc. Recovery time is shortened because the other person offers an excuse that takes the focus off your weaknesses or unattractive qualities that could have caused a breakup.
5. The Ultimatum Breakup
The most common ultimatum leading to a breakup is: "ask me to marry you within the next year of I'm out of here." Other conflicts could cause ultimatums as well: change your religion, get rid of that stupid old car, etc. Ultimatum breakups can be tough to get over because it's annoying that a little compromise could have prevented it. But once it's over, that pressure from the stalemate you reached in the relationship is gone, so it's quite a relief.
4. The Something Someone Said Breakup
My friend broke up with his girlfriend he was dating for years, and he mentioned a conversation that occurred shortly before they broke up. They were discussing wedding rings, and she asked how much he'd spend. He simply hasn't studied the "market" so he threw a number out there: "I don't know, $5,000." She scoffed and said: "You should spend no less than $20,000."
He told me after she said that, he couldn't think of her the same way anymore. In fact, it put a figurative "X" over her image in his eyes. They eventually broke up, and this conversation was the springboard. This type of breakup is painful because you wish you could take something you said or did back.
3. The I've Been Cheating
Whether you find out from them or some other way, it's the ultimate betrayal when they are cheating on you. You can get over it because you dismiss this person as a cheating jerk, but you still feel stupid and you might spend several months envisioning the cheating or trying to regain faith in the opposite gender.
2. The First Love Breakup
The First Love breakup is one of the toughest to overcome. Some say you never get over it. This breakup teaches us that the world is a bigger place than we thought. There are more people to meet, there are bills to pay, there are places to go. Things just can't stay the same as they once were.
Mine hit me when I got to college and my girlfirend stayed behind in high school. Eventually, we had to move on. The first love breakup is hurts so much because you've never experienced this feeling of loss and disappointment before. And, it's part of growing up and growing up is usually a painful process.
1. The Blind Side
My friend recently blind sided his ex. After she cried for an hour, he decided he had put in enough time and he left. This is traumatic because it comes out of nowhere. The blind sider may have been thinking about it for months, and they conceal their intentions, then drop the bomb while everything seems to be going well. In fact, the couple may have spent time together the night before, but the blind sider did so out of obligation.
Blind Sides chip away at your ability to trust. If someone can break up with you when things seem to be going so well, you'll have a tough time avoiding paranoia and trusting your new partners.
Which element of a breakup dictates recovery time more: the type of breakup, or the person you broke up with? My theory is the type of breakup you experience determines how long it takes to get over it more than the actual person.
Here are 7 different types of breakups ranked by shortest recovery time to longest recovery time:
7. The Mutual Breakup
This is as peaceful a breakup as you can have, like when the entire family agrees it's time to pull the plug on grandpa's respirator: he is freed of his misery, and the family feels a sense of relief. I've never had a mutual breakup. I can't catch that lightning in a bottle. But it can't be that tough to recover from a mutual breakup and get back out in the dating scene again.
6. The Circumstantial Breakup
A cousin of the mutual breakup, the circumstantial breakup occurs when the environment around you won't permit the relationship to continue: my parents hate you, you're in Cali and I'm in NY (or even, you're one town over), I need to be single for a while, etc. Recovery time is shortened because the other person offers an excuse that takes the focus off your weaknesses or unattractive qualities that could have caused a breakup.
5. The Ultimatum Breakup
The most common ultimatum leading to a breakup is: "ask me to marry you within the next year of I'm out of here." Other conflicts could cause ultimatums as well: change your religion, get rid of that stupid old car, etc. Ultimatum breakups can be tough to get over because it's annoying that a little compromise could have prevented it. But once it's over, that pressure from the stalemate you reached in the relationship is gone, so it's quite a relief.
4. The Something Someone Said Breakup
My friend broke up with his girlfriend he was dating for years, and he mentioned a conversation that occurred shortly before they broke up. They were discussing wedding rings, and she asked how much he'd spend. He simply hasn't studied the "market" so he threw a number out there: "I don't know, $5,000." She scoffed and said: "You should spend no less than $20,000."
He told me after she said that, he couldn't think of her the same way anymore. In fact, it put a figurative "X" over her image in his eyes. They eventually broke up, and this conversation was the springboard. This type of breakup is painful because you wish you could take something you said or did back.
3. The I've Been Cheating
Whether you find out from them or some other way, it's the ultimate betrayal when they are cheating on you. You can get over it because you dismiss this person as a cheating jerk, but you still feel stupid and you might spend several months envisioning the cheating or trying to regain faith in the opposite gender.
2. The First Love Breakup
The First Love breakup is one of the toughest to overcome. Some say you never get over it. This breakup teaches us that the world is a bigger place than we thought. There are more people to meet, there are bills to pay, there are places to go. Things just can't stay the same as they once were.
Mine hit me when I got to college and my girlfirend stayed behind in high school. Eventually, we had to move on. The first love breakup is hurts so much because you've never experienced this feeling of loss and disappointment before. And, it's part of growing up and growing up is usually a painful process.
1. The Blind Side
My friend recently blind sided his ex. After she cried for an hour, he decided he had put in enough time and he left. This is traumatic because it comes out of nowhere. The blind sider may have been thinking about it for months, and they conceal their intentions, then drop the bomb while everything seems to be going well. In fact, the couple may have spent time together the night before, but the blind sider did so out of obligation.
Blind Sides chip away at your ability to trust. If someone can break up with you when things seem to be going so well, you'll have a tough time avoiding paranoia and trusting your new partners.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
multicultural is coming up..
so WAT THE FCK is everyones problem.
i hold practices so that YOU guys can look good.
so that this club can perform and spread its filipino culture to the 'community'
so that we wont SUCK next week.
its NEXT WEEK. dammit.!
i dont know if you guys can grasp that idea.
but.. thats.. uhmm.. 7 days?
today was THE ABSOLUTE WORST DAY [besides after practice :D - but thats a different blog]
barely anyone showed up.
i look highly to those who did
and to those who told me they couldnt show up FOR A LEGIT REASON.
but everyone else...
really?
im there for you guys.
if you dont want to do multi.
shure.
ill just take kasama out of it and we'll be finished.
i wouldnt have to waste my time waiting for ppl to show up to practice.
and i wouldnt have to waste my own personal money for the needs of the club.
but i cant do that.
you know why?
because i LOVE this club.
i LOVE my culture.
and..
even tho i spend my afternoons listening to that dam song everyday.
even if it might get a little annoying.
im OK with it.
because thats how much i LOVE kasama
but it BREAKS MY HEART.
knowing that you sign up to do it or you say youd do it.
and you..... act like you dont give a SHIT about it
you act like... oh... its just kasama... im gonna go out with my friends....and have fun elsewhere.
because kasama really doesnt mean anything to you.
kasama means just about half of my life. as of right now.
THANKS.
thanks for making me feel like an idiot.
wasting my days on the blacktop waiting.
thanks for killing my dream of having a successful mutli.
all odds were agaisnt me this year.
-some of my officers didnt take this seriously.
i had meetings and ...
gah, i dont even want to talk about them.
i act like its fine.
its NOT.
ur an officer.
i chose you because i thot youd be responsible enough to get the job done..
only like.. 2 or 3 of you really help much. [i thank you]
-multi was moved up ONE WHOLE MONTH.
thats 4 weeks. subracted to our practice.
thats why we're practicing so much. ok?
4 weeks is ALOT of time.
and yet again, i repeat.
we have ONE week left.
-ME.
im stressed out like crazy.
i have family problems falling everywhere
at every turn
my COLLEGE auditions are ALL in feb.
except one in march.
but COME ON. the timing in my life is horrible.
last saturday i just took two of the most important auditions in my life
because those two decide whethere or not i get into my top 2 choices.
nxt week. the day after multi.. i have 2 more auditions
and in march i have one the saturday after the bad concert.
and then there goes the thing with my vision.
but thats already up somewhere... on facebook..
yes. im complaining about my life.
and i know .. maybe you guys have it worse off than me.
but you can at least help me out by not making this so stressful for me.
when i YELL.
you know i fckin mean it.
dont walk. RUN.
because im getting tired of... it all. really.
i just cant wait til its over.
and i hope to God that this wont happen during battle season.
im not quitting on you guys just yet.
oh, jovey.
youll have a wonderful time next year.
maybe ill stop by one day and see how you guys are doing.
...
and really,
i cant believe that only some of you come to practice.
i know.. sports.
other clubs.
family..
but really... x.x
at least tell me when ur not gonna be there.
so i dont expect...
yea, im very repetitive
you know,
there are about 47 of you guys...
in the performance..
how many people come to practice everyday?
or.. even.. at all...
around half... or less.
i feel real special.
cuz.. i cant take a day off.
im there everyday.
every hour.
every DAM minute.
of counting.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
......
if tmrw and especially saturday.. are the same as these last few days.
..
omg. i dont know wat im gonna do.
i thot being president of kasama would be great.
cuz id finally be able to do something i wanted to do for the club.
id be able to do this and that and have fun with the club.
now.
im just gonna be a bitch.
hate me if you want for this next week.
because im gonna be PISSED every day. until multi is over with.
so that you guys can take me SERIOUSLY.
our next practices are
friday, feb 19 @ 2pm on the blacktop [if it rains, meet in the hallway area]
saturday, feb 20 @ 1pm on the blacktop [same if it rains]
monday and tuesday feb 22 and 23 @ 3:10pm [YES, 3:10]
TUESDAY MEETING AT LUNCH FOR EVERYONE IN MULTI.
wednesday and thursday feb 24 and 25 AFTER SCHOOL @ TBA [at meeting at lunch]
FRIDAY ****IMPORTANT***** feb 26 [day of multi] 5am. YES that is 5 AM. IN THE MORNING. on the blacktop. and if no one is on the blacktop, we're already in the gym.
BE THERE. at 5am. [so that we can practice in the gym before the performances actually start]
PLEASE. DO NOT BE LATE TO ANY OF THESE.
i am NOT tolerating it anymore.
NO LATES.
and im SERIOUS.
im gonna bitch at people all i want.
because its one week before multi.
tell everyone in multi.
IM SERIOUS.
i hold practices so that YOU guys can look good.
so that this club can perform and spread its filipino culture to the 'community'
so that we wont SUCK next week.
its NEXT WEEK. dammit.!
i dont know if you guys can grasp that idea.
but.. thats.. uhmm.. 7 days?
today was THE ABSOLUTE WORST DAY [besides after practice :D - but thats a different blog]
barely anyone showed up.
i look highly to those who did
and to those who told me they couldnt show up FOR A LEGIT REASON.
but everyone else...
really?
im there for you guys.
if you dont want to do multi.
shure.
ill just take kasama out of it and we'll be finished.
i wouldnt have to waste my time waiting for ppl to show up to practice.
and i wouldnt have to waste my own personal money for the needs of the club.
but i cant do that.
you know why?
because i LOVE this club.
i LOVE my culture.
and..
even tho i spend my afternoons listening to that dam song everyday.
even if it might get a little annoying.
im OK with it.
because thats how much i LOVE kasama
but it BREAKS MY HEART.
knowing that you sign up to do it or you say youd do it.
and you..... act like you dont give a SHIT about it
you act like... oh... its just kasama... im gonna go out with my friends....and have fun elsewhere.
because kasama really doesnt mean anything to you.
kasama means just about half of my life. as of right now.
THANKS.
thanks for making me feel like an idiot.
wasting my days on the blacktop waiting.
thanks for killing my dream of having a successful mutli.
all odds were agaisnt me this year.
-some of my officers didnt take this seriously.
i had meetings and ...
gah, i dont even want to talk about them.
i act like its fine.
its NOT.
ur an officer.
i chose you because i thot youd be responsible enough to get the job done..
only like.. 2 or 3 of you really help much. [i thank you]
-multi was moved up ONE WHOLE MONTH.
thats 4 weeks. subracted to our practice.
thats why we're practicing so much. ok?
4 weeks is ALOT of time.
and yet again, i repeat.
we have ONE week left.
-ME.
im stressed out like crazy.
i have family problems falling everywhere
at every turn
my COLLEGE auditions are ALL in feb.
except one in march.
but COME ON. the timing in my life is horrible.
last saturday i just took two of the most important auditions in my life
because those two decide whethere or not i get into my top 2 choices.
nxt week. the day after multi.. i have 2 more auditions
and in march i have one the saturday after the bad concert.
and then there goes the thing with my vision.
but thats already up somewhere... on facebook..
yes. im complaining about my life.
and i know .. maybe you guys have it worse off than me.
but you can at least help me out by not making this so stressful for me.
when i YELL.
you know i fckin mean it.
dont walk. RUN.
because im getting tired of... it all. really.
i just cant wait til its over.
and i hope to God that this wont happen during battle season.
im not quitting on you guys just yet.
oh, jovey.
youll have a wonderful time next year.
maybe ill stop by one day and see how you guys are doing.
...
and really,
i cant believe that only some of you come to practice.
i know.. sports.
other clubs.
family..
but really... x.x
at least tell me when ur not gonna be there.
so i dont expect...
yea, im very repetitive
you know,
there are about 47 of you guys...
in the performance..
how many people come to practice everyday?
or.. even.. at all...
around half... or less.
i feel real special.
cuz.. i cant take a day off.
im there everyday.
every hour.
every DAM minute.
of counting.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
......
if tmrw and especially saturday.. are the same as these last few days.
..
omg. i dont know wat im gonna do.
i thot being president of kasama would be great.
cuz id finally be able to do something i wanted to do for the club.
id be able to do this and that and have fun with the club.
now.
im just gonna be a bitch.
hate me if you want for this next week.
because im gonna be PISSED every day. until multi is over with.
so that you guys can take me SERIOUSLY.
our next practices are
friday, feb 19 @ 2pm on the blacktop [if it rains, meet in the hallway area]
saturday, feb 20 @ 1pm on the blacktop [same if it rains]
monday and tuesday feb 22 and 23 @ 3:10pm [YES, 3:10]
TUESDAY MEETING AT LUNCH FOR EVERYONE IN MULTI.
wednesday and thursday feb 24 and 25 AFTER SCHOOL @ TBA [at meeting at lunch]
FRIDAY ****IMPORTANT***** feb 26 [day of multi] 5am. YES that is 5 AM. IN THE MORNING. on the blacktop. and if no one is on the blacktop, we're already in the gym.
BE THERE. at 5am. [so that we can practice in the gym before the performances actually start]
PLEASE. DO NOT BE LATE TO ANY OF THESE.
i am NOT tolerating it anymore.
NO LATES.
and im SERIOUS.
im gonna bitch at people all i want.
because its one week before multi.
tell everyone in multi.
IM SERIOUS.
Monday, February 15, 2010
now that its all said and done
i cant believe you were the one
to build me up and tear me down
like and old abandoned house
what you said when you left
just left me cold and out of breath
i felt if i was in way too deep
i guess i let you get the best of me....
well i never saw it coming
i shoulda started running a long long time ago
and i never thought id doubt you
im better off without you
more than you more than you know
im slowly getting closure
i guess its really over
im finally getting better
now im picking up the pieces
spending all these years
just putting my heart back together
cuz the day i thought id never get through
i got over you
you took a hammer to these walls
dragged the memories down the hall
you packed your bags and walked away
there was nothing i could say
and once you slammed the front door shut
a lot of other opened up
so did my eyes so i could see
that you never were the best for me
well i never saw it coming
i shoulda started running a long long time ago
and i never thought id doubt you
im better off without you
more than you more than you know
im slowly getting closure
i guess its really over
im finally getting better
now im picking up the pieces
spending all these years
just putting my heart back together
cuz the day i thought id never get through
i got over you
.....
yes, i got over you.
at least for the most part.
im moving on.
im living my life.
im dating o.o
ill still miss you wen you leave.
i hope we'll still be able to hang out some time...
before then.
x.x
the three of us.
like old times sake.
..
i hope that'll be able to happen.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways.
this week will be 'hectic'
wrapping up multi stuffs.
plus .
i will soo be able to have a life.
XD
ugh,
besides music man ..
and calculus.
=[
then battle.
blah.
oh well.
ill enjoy it while it lasts
just hanging in there until march
then it'll be less RIUNDOFINVODFJINVDIOPJSDFMASBLAH
lol
Feb 26 multi
Fev 27 college auditions; SFSU and CSU east bay
Mar 11 band concert
Mar 20 Rons birthday [=
endofmarch/beginning of april -----I WILL KNOW MY FUTURE. x.x
April 5-9 spring break
April 15,16,21,22 music man
April 24 CVC production night
May 5 AP calc
May 19 Senior VS staff Bball
May 20 pops concert
May TBA - battle x.x
June 10 graduation
its going by really slow and fast at the same time.
its so weird.
to build me up and tear me down
like and old abandoned house
what you said when you left
just left me cold and out of breath
i felt if i was in way too deep
i guess i let you get the best of me....
well i never saw it coming
i shoulda started running a long long time ago
and i never thought id doubt you
im better off without you
more than you more than you know
im slowly getting closure
i guess its really over
im finally getting better
now im picking up the pieces
spending all these years
just putting my heart back together
cuz the day i thought id never get through
i got over you
you took a hammer to these walls
dragged the memories down the hall
you packed your bags and walked away
there was nothing i could say
and once you slammed the front door shut
a lot of other opened up
so did my eyes so i could see
that you never were the best for me
well i never saw it coming
i shoulda started running a long long time ago
and i never thought id doubt you
im better off without you
more than you more than you know
im slowly getting closure
i guess its really over
im finally getting better
now im picking up the pieces
spending all these years
just putting my heart back together
cuz the day i thought id never get through
i got over you
.....
yes, i got over you.
at least for the most part.
im moving on.
im living my life.
im dating o.o
ill still miss you wen you leave.
i hope we'll still be able to hang out some time...
before then.
x.x
the three of us.
like old times sake.
..
i hope that'll be able to happen.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways.
this week will be 'hectic'
wrapping up multi stuffs.
plus .
i will soo be able to have a life.
XD
ugh,
besides music man ..
and calculus.
=[
then battle.
blah.
oh well.
ill enjoy it while it lasts
just hanging in there until march
then it'll be less RIUNDOFINVODFJINVDIOPJSDFMASBLAH
lol
Feb 26 multi
Fev 27 college auditions; SFSU and CSU east bay
Mar 11 band concert
Mar 20 Rons birthday [=
endofmarch/beginning of april -----I WILL KNOW MY FUTURE. x.x
April 5-9 spring break
April 15,16,21,22 music man
April 24 CVC production night
May 5 AP calc
May 19 Senior VS staff Bball
May 20 pops concert
May TBA - battle x.x
June 10 graduation
its going by really slow and fast at the same time.
its so weird.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
college auditions
x.x
finished 2.
2 more to go.
then its over.
[=
today i had this crazy triangular trip t/o the bay area.
first i went to stockton.
to UOP.. for audition + interview w. music therapy staff...
then..
rushrushrush
to SF.
because i had another audition 2 hours later D=
BUUUT,
we ran into a detour that....
made us go thru hayward... san leandro x.x and oakland. and eventually downtown oakland.
sooo random.
but i got to go on the bay bridge,
first time on that bridge too!
quality time with my mom.
after SF [for Berklee audition]
we went to eat out.
cuz i like eating out.
after long days/stressful days/ for celebrating.
we went to Mizu sushi,
because of the thing i saw in the school newspaper the other day,
i wanted sushi and it would be the 2nd time i went there,
so i felt like eating there.
we did.
then we picked up my lil bro and then we went home.
yea x.x
id rather not go into more detail.
trust me.
i can write a story.
but here,
i think ive got my list of priority colleges.
like.. in order from first choice to last fallback.
i only applied to 7 colleges. and so far one JC [i will apply to another one soon]
1- Berklee College of Music [Boston, MA] -music therapy major
2- University of the Pacific [Stockton, CA] -music therapy major
3- CSU Monterey Bay [Seaside, CA] -music therapy major
4- Santa Clara [Santa Clara, CA/ here] -music major
5- CSU East Bay [Hayward, CA] -music major
6- SJSU [here] -music major
7- SFSU [SF, CA] -music major / music teaching
8- Everygreen Valley [here]
9- West Valley [here]
i HELLA wanna get into Berklee, but.. if not im good with UOP.
please x.x
ill update more later.
about college stuff.
now,
multi.
worry worry worry worry worry. =[
finished 2.
2 more to go.
then its over.
[=
today i had this crazy triangular trip t/o the bay area.
first i went to stockton.
to UOP.. for audition + interview w. music therapy staff...
then..
rushrushrush
to SF.
because i had another audition 2 hours later D=
BUUUT,
we ran into a detour that....
made us go thru hayward... san leandro x.x and oakland. and eventually downtown oakland.
sooo random.
but i got to go on the bay bridge,
first time on that bridge too!
quality time with my mom.
after SF [for Berklee audition]
we went to eat out.
cuz i like eating out.
after long days/stressful days/ for celebrating.
we went to Mizu sushi,
because of the thing i saw in the school newspaper the other day,
i wanted sushi and it would be the 2nd time i went there,
so i felt like eating there.
we did.
then we picked up my lil bro and then we went home.
yea x.x
id rather not go into more detail.
trust me.
i can write a story.
but here,
i think ive got my list of priority colleges.
like.. in order from first choice to last fallback.
i only applied to 7 colleges. and so far one JC [i will apply to another one soon]
1- Berklee College of Music [Boston, MA] -music therapy major
2- University of the Pacific [Stockton, CA] -music therapy major
3- CSU Monterey Bay [Seaside, CA] -music therapy major
4- Santa Clara [Santa Clara, CA/ here] -music major
5- CSU East Bay [Hayward, CA] -music major
6- SJSU [here] -music major
7- SFSU [SF, CA] -music major / music teaching
8- Everygreen Valley [here]
9- West Valley [here]
i HELLA wanna get into Berklee, but.. if not im good with UOP.
please x.x
ill update more later.
about college stuff.
now,
multi.
worry worry worry worry worry. =[
Sunday, February 7, 2010
havent blogged in a while..
so ill blog right now.
o.o
=/
ok.
so im gonna rant about wats on my mind.
number1.
multi.
[kasama]
im kinda stressing out here.
its in.... around 20 days o.o u know that.
AND I HAVENT EVEN FINISHED THE DAMN ROUTINE YET.
.... 'we' havent at least...
i dont like how for the first 2 weeks of practice its only been 3 officers.
we have 8 dammit.
...
i dont like how wenever i have dam officer meetings.
no one cares.
and i worked SO hard...
and they dont fcking give a dam.
i have a life too..
i chose them because i thought they were reliable.
apparently not really. ... maybe 2 or 3...
but geez....
i wish multi was cancelled.
id be happy.
i would be relieved.
i would have free afternoons to worry about other things.
like college auditions...
and band concert...
and school.
and family.
and FRIENDS. x.x
and life...
i love how people come to practice tho.
its wonderful,
at least thats not the problem.
i love how i can trust those people with things.
and i love how some ppl help out more than the officers.
because it actually feels like im accomplishing something because they want it too... not jus for me.
yes, ranting about how i feel officers arent doing a good job.
im a pretty bad president too..
.... D=
and it kills me knowing that.
but really,
would they do the minutes???
would they lead meetings?
would they email leaders of other companies?
would they think of fundraisers?
would they go to kasama practice everyday?
would they be able to control this club + school + have a life?
would they be able to think of everything that goes on in this club?
would they think of this club as much as i do?
im looking forward to battle season.
....
because maybe ill feel more in control.
and maybe they'll all be as interested in this as much as i have been the whole yr.
i feel like starting workshops after multi ends...
lets see how it turns out.
im giving it 2-3 weeks...
and if it doesnt have alota participants... then i quit.
its probably gonna be on thursdays tho.
or... tuesdays again.
watever.
im just really pissed and stressed.
stressed because.
not only multi for kasama,
but multi for choir.
..
and then COLLEGE AUDITIONS.
UOP feb 13
then THE DAM DAY AFTER MULTI
SFSU AND CSU EastBay
thats not fair.
then worry about Berklee audition
-dream school-
if that fail, it all goes downhill...
id be devastated =[
then after that band concert in the early weeks of march.
and THATS wen core starts for FYC battle planning..
.
then
the music man play thing.
i really...
=[ dont want to deal with this.
i was thinking..
if i tell jenson... if they really need a pianist...
ill pay for it x.x cuz im going to die if i have to learn all of that ...
but then i dont want to let him down..
x.x but then i hafta think about myself... and my torture.
but i really have no excuse cuz i got this in november.
but i havent had any time to practice
but really... i did.
but i dont really like learning stuff like this.
but i 'agreed' to do it a long time ago.
but im not even going to be avaliable to practice with them
but *shoots self*
i needa tell jenson =[
and after all this randomness is all said and done.
add more;
college stuff - finished fafsa, mail in college transcripts, auditions, anxiety
school - blah + calc.
family - crap.
work - ?
friends -... hah wat friends, right now all i got is.. SRL, eric and jovey. [+occasional adrian/chris and them] AND kuya jeff / [FYC.... sorta]
love - im fcking confused and in pain.
to elaborate.
boy 1 vs boy 2 vs singleness-ness
im in love with one. and i probably just think the other is cute. both.... ex's and i feel its blah to be back blahing with them and blah. because maybe its just in my head where i feel that i need to 'love' someone. ... honestly i dont NEED to, i probably shouldnt... because of all my other stress... but it can possibly go another way too right? they could help me ... *sigh. but im super confused. the one i like more... is... really ignoring me. but i get it.. i get the picture.. ur not into me ok? but cant you just give me a dam hug? .. and answer my txt.. or calls... or call back... or make an effort. i feel used because ive done SO MUCH for you and.. not wen i need u. you do NOTHING. how is this supposed to make me feel. then theres the other... our break up really.. was stupid. it was cuz of the phone bill. but i guess its ok... cuz were still sorta friends. but i sorta recently hung out/talked with him for a while and it was nice. i miss him. but i miss the other guy more. its awkward. then theres this thing about staying single. it makes more sense... but i get lonely. especially wen... SRL cant hang out.. and im bored with life... and family doesnt really seem to care anymore... and im done with 'everything i need to do'... and i cant call the same people all the time to bother them... because itd seem annoying... like.. y cant i find someone else to talk to and stuff, if that all makes any sense at all.
anyways.
x.x i want a relationship. but i dont wanna seem desperate [even tho it seems as tho i am... i could be D=]
or... i want to feel more loved at least.
my family isnt working out for me.
and my teddy bear can only be so much...
oh yea,
i gave up on you.
dogtag.
i dont need you to be strong anymore.
but i really miss being able to hang out with you.
its kinda sad knowing that i gave you everything within the last 6 months,
money, ....x.x
the watch,
your birthday present [spa treatment o.o].
a job,
my heart,
my trust,
clothing,
food,
care,
relief,
little things to make you smile,
my body..
friendship,
LOVE.
and recently... all youve given me was..
this dogtag.
hugs.
sleepless nights
hellos and goodbyes
tears
depression
hope to... lost hope,
broken promises
unanswered txts and calls...
and a broken heart.
correct me if im wrong.
but... thats a very unfair exchange.
if you dont love me anymore...
fine.
ill be ok with that...
but can you please at least... care.
thats the least you can do..
i would ask for more.. like.
time...
but it doesnt seem like you want to give that to me...
its not like its money... or some fancy piece of jewelry.. or clothes...
just care for me like a friend would.
talk to me...
all this is getting to my head.
and stressing me out. and it shouldnt.
wow wat a random rant/ burst of things.
i promise next blog will be more organized
and less repetitive.
o.o
=/
ok.
so im gonna rant about wats on my mind.
number1.
multi.
[kasama]
im kinda stressing out here.
its in.... around 20 days o.o u know that.
AND I HAVENT EVEN FINISHED THE DAMN ROUTINE YET.
.... 'we' havent at least...
i dont like how for the first 2 weeks of practice its only been 3 officers.
we have 8 dammit.
...
i dont like how wenever i have dam officer meetings.
no one cares.
and i worked SO hard...
and they dont fcking give a dam.
i have a life too..
i chose them because i thought they were reliable.
apparently not really. ... maybe 2 or 3...
but geez....
i wish multi was cancelled.
id be happy.
i would be relieved.
i would have free afternoons to worry about other things.
like college auditions...
and band concert...
and school.
and family.
and FRIENDS. x.x
and life...
i love how people come to practice tho.
its wonderful,
at least thats not the problem.
i love how i can trust those people with things.
and i love how some ppl help out more than the officers.
because it actually feels like im accomplishing something because they want it too... not jus for me.
yes, ranting about how i feel officers arent doing a good job.
im a pretty bad president too..
.... D=
and it kills me knowing that.
but really,
would they do the minutes???
would they lead meetings?
would they email leaders of other companies?
would they think of fundraisers?
would they go to kasama practice everyday?
would they be able to control this club + school + have a life?
would they be able to think of everything that goes on in this club?
would they think of this club as much as i do?
im looking forward to battle season.
....
because maybe ill feel more in control.
and maybe they'll all be as interested in this as much as i have been the whole yr.
i feel like starting workshops after multi ends...
lets see how it turns out.
im giving it 2-3 weeks...
and if it doesnt have alota participants... then i quit.
its probably gonna be on thursdays tho.
or... tuesdays again.
watever.
im just really pissed and stressed.
stressed because.
not only multi for kasama,
but multi for choir.
..
and then COLLEGE AUDITIONS.
UOP feb 13
then THE DAM DAY AFTER MULTI
SFSU AND CSU EastBay
thats not fair.
then worry about Berklee audition
-dream school-
if that fail, it all goes downhill...
id be devastated =[
then after that band concert in the early weeks of march.
and THATS wen core starts for FYC battle planning..
.
then
the music man play thing.
i really...
=[ dont want to deal with this.
i was thinking..
if i tell jenson... if they really need a pianist...
ill pay for it x.x cuz im going to die if i have to learn all of that ...
but then i dont want to let him down..
x.x but then i hafta think about myself... and my torture.
but i really have no excuse cuz i got this in november.
but i havent had any time to practice
but really... i did.
but i dont really like learning stuff like this.
but i 'agreed' to do it a long time ago.
but im not even going to be avaliable to practice with them
but *shoots self*
i needa tell jenson =[
and after all this randomness is all said and done.
add more;
college stuff - finished fafsa, mail in college transcripts, auditions, anxiety
school - blah + calc.
family - crap.
work - ?
friends -... hah wat friends, right now all i got is.. SRL, eric and jovey. [+occasional adrian/chris and them] AND kuya jeff / [FYC.... sorta]
love - im fcking confused and in pain.
to elaborate.
boy 1 vs boy 2 vs singleness-ness
im in love with one. and i probably just think the other is cute. both.... ex's and i feel its blah to be back blahing with them and blah. because maybe its just in my head where i feel that i need to 'love' someone. ... honestly i dont NEED to, i probably shouldnt... because of all my other stress... but it can possibly go another way too right? they could help me ... *sigh. but im super confused. the one i like more... is... really ignoring me. but i get it.. i get the picture.. ur not into me ok? but cant you just give me a dam hug? .. and answer my txt.. or calls... or call back... or make an effort. i feel used because ive done SO MUCH for you and.. not wen i need u. you do NOTHING. how is this supposed to make me feel. then theres the other... our break up really.. was stupid. it was cuz of the phone bill. but i guess its ok... cuz were still sorta friends. but i sorta recently hung out/talked with him for a while and it was nice. i miss him. but i miss the other guy more. its awkward. then theres this thing about staying single. it makes more sense... but i get lonely. especially wen... SRL cant hang out.. and im bored with life... and family doesnt really seem to care anymore... and im done with 'everything i need to do'... and i cant call the same people all the time to bother them... because itd seem annoying... like.. y cant i find someone else to talk to and stuff, if that all makes any sense at all.
anyways.
x.x i want a relationship. but i dont wanna seem desperate [even tho it seems as tho i am... i could be D=]
or... i want to feel more loved at least.
my family isnt working out for me.
and my teddy bear can only be so much...
oh yea,
i gave up on you.
dogtag.
i dont need you to be strong anymore.
but i really miss being able to hang out with you.
its kinda sad knowing that i gave you everything within the last 6 months,
money, ....x.x
the watch,
your birthday present [spa treatment o.o].
a job,
my heart,
my trust,
clothing,
food,
care,
relief,
little things to make you smile,
my body..
friendship,
LOVE.
and recently... all youve given me was..
this dogtag.
hugs.
sleepless nights
hellos and goodbyes
tears
depression
hope to... lost hope,
broken promises
unanswered txts and calls...
and a broken heart.
correct me if im wrong.
but... thats a very unfair exchange.
if you dont love me anymore...
fine.
ill be ok with that...
but can you please at least... care.
thats the least you can do..
i would ask for more.. like.
time...
but it doesnt seem like you want to give that to me...
its not like its money... or some fancy piece of jewelry.. or clothes...
just care for me like a friend would.
talk to me...
all this is getting to my head.
and stressing me out. and it shouldnt.
wow wat a random rant/ burst of things.
i promise next blog will be more organized
and less repetitive.
Friday, January 22, 2010
please, dont get my hopes up
i expect too much.
and the pain im feeling is from ME.
please..
dont tell me 'ill talk to you later k?'
because i know you WONT.
dont tell me 'see you later...'
because.. all ill be looking forward to is.. a 'hi' and .. a half hug.
please, dont tell me 'ur busy'
ill just keep thinking of all the excuses in my head... why.
.....
tell me wat time youd call..
or tell me wen youll see me
let me know when you want to hang out.
tell me you LOVE me.
you want me,
you need me.
tell me everything i want to hear.
so it can all go away.
... steal quotes man,
but its true.
its something i say in my head x.x
or something like it... im guessing the translation really.
"you know, i beat myself up everyday so that i can try to wake up back into reality ..."
"but thats really how it is isnt it? everyone who falls in love, becomes stupid.
and it makes me the stupidest of the stupid, because i love you. ...."
"ive done EVERYTHING for you. but how come no matter what i do, its always never enough. NEVER enough."
speak the truth kim chui.
__________________________________________________
on a totally different note,
HELLA RANDOM DAY.
CRAZY rally.
who knew bouncy balls could equal so much... fun/excitement...speeches frm principal, cancellation of sadies, rallies, etc.. lectures, BLAH.
it was random.
but i think it was pretty ok.
cmon
WE DIDNT DAMAGE ANYTHING. -___-
ur taking this too seriously.
just.. let it go man.
its a senior prank.
watd you do 2 years ago.
geez,
wen there was a freakin pillow fight in the junior quad. x.x
and the pain im feeling is from ME.
please..
dont tell me 'ill talk to you later k?'
because i know you WONT.
dont tell me 'see you later...'
because.. all ill be looking forward to is.. a 'hi' and .. a half hug.
please, dont tell me 'ur busy'
ill just keep thinking of all the excuses in my head... why.
.....
tell me wat time youd call..
or tell me wen youll see me
let me know when you want to hang out.
tell me you LOVE me.
you want me,
you need me.
tell me everything i want to hear.
so it can all go away.
... steal quotes man,
but its true.
its something i say in my head x.x
or something like it... im guessing the translation really.
"you know, i beat myself up everyday so that i can try to wake up back into reality ..."
"but thats really how it is isnt it? everyone who falls in love, becomes stupid.
and it makes me the stupidest of the stupid, because i love you. ...."
"ive done EVERYTHING for you. but how come no matter what i do, its always never enough. NEVER enough."
speak the truth kim chui.
__________________________________________________
on a totally different note,
HELLA RANDOM DAY.
CRAZY rally.
who knew bouncy balls could equal so much... fun/excitement...speeches frm principal, cancellation of sadies, rallies, etc.. lectures, BLAH.
it was random.
but i think it was pretty ok.
cmon
WE DIDNT DAMAGE ANYTHING. -___-
ur taking this too seriously.
just.. let it go man.
its a senior prank.
watd you do 2 years ago.
geez,
wen there was a freakin pillow fight in the junior quad. x.x
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
"Open letter to soldier" Ishle Yi Park
"i speak to you as a woman who also loves a boy soldier, loves a boy man..."
Ishle D=<3 "...home."
hmm...
hello, you
ladies made beautiful by longing
i wanna talk to you intimately about the shadow of war across your front lawn.
the hours spent captive in front of the TV
the shape of your arms and his arms
intwined like yellow ribbons in sleep
at night you lie with the boy who plays a soldier by day
he has perhaps whispered into your hair
cried into the sink of your collarbone
you know his fumbling fingers and the opts of his torso
you know how desperately he wants to be a hero
the night is moonless in both countries
looted of its stars
only your eyes are hard and unblinking
as you watch your one man march out like an ant into a horizon of bleak orange dust
into a land where his tongue is dust
and the planes and the motives of his home country fly
miles over his head
what can we do then
i ask you with empty hands
i speak to you as a woman who also loves a boy soldier, loves a boy man
maybe at night we should start a rebellion
whisper to them to hide under covers
or shoot in the wrong direction
tell them that there is no wind in song when you die a young legend
so be a hero playing playstation with your son
or be a man and hold me as if we had just begun
yes, this is a love poem tucked inside of a war poem
for women,
left with bruises, love bites, roses, babies and longings that stretched wider than any flag
for men,
who tuck our best wallet sized photos under their heads
to angel them and soak in all their untold dreams
for lovers,
who dream to see this world whole enough to hold them both
to see this world whole
we are the ones who will bring this world home
-ishle yi park.
i relate to this poem
im giving you my best wallet picture.<3
-----------------------------------------
yes, im gonna miss you.
yes, im still gonna think baout you
and yes, im still going to love you.
at least for now.
so i can have something to cling to.
i guess im one of those clingy types that i hate so much.
but its hard.
hard on me..
because im clinging to someone who doesnt want to be bother with love.
someone who probably has felt the same way.. but that was before.
im clinging to an unrequited love.
and that pains me.
i love those hugs.
b/t classes and after school.
but THATS ALL?
really?
shure i like them, but thats not all i want from you.
but seriously, if asking for your time is too much, i wont.
i just wanna talk to..
like before at work.
because its like i dont even know you
but i still 'love' you.
how is this possible?
i think its my mind playing tricks on me.
because i feel the need to always HAVE someone there,
because my family cant really be trusted.
shure my family loves me... but i dont always feel it.
always looking down on me... always criticizing me...
and YOU were there when they werent.
uknow, before.
when everything was 'ok' and just 'alright'
before the other girl.
before family issues.
when we were 'kids'
now you refuse for me to ever call you kid,
even when i im just kidding.
yea shure.. you tell me i needa grow up.
i CANT.
because i want to be a kid forever with you.
i dont want to grow old with you, thats boring.
i wanna have fun, go out, enjoy life.
the way you make adulthood seem... is serious.
im LEAH.
i cant always be serious.
i FAIL at situations like that.
and honestly when you said that.
my heart broke a little.
but since that day, you said you would leave.
my heart has BEEN breaking a little.
yes. its your fault.
yes its mine too.
its seems as if my brain has locked on to that fact that i love you.
and theres no key to unlock my heart from this torture and agony.. that is.. you.
relics all around my room.. from YOU.
all these songs, movies, colors, pictures. YOU
all these places, parks, restaurants, buses, school. YOU
everything. YOU.
why, you.
ive been dying for the day i would truly get over you.
wondering ever so greatly how id even manage to overcome that feat.
oh, wat an achievement that would be.
oh, wat a day to look forward to.
but iim dreading that day.
dreading that day id lose you.
probably to someone else,
prettier.
more mature.
more loving [impossible]
more understanding to your views [cuz apparently im not]
talented
rich [oh how vain]
someone who'll be there for you...
someone who you can go to
someone who's parents LOVE you
'the one'
yours.
right?
isnt that why you dont want to be in a relationship right now?
because what if 'that ONE person' walks into your life.
the 'perfect' one. the one for YOU.
id love to be that one.
but if i am.
then sorry... you couldnt see it.
or maybe you just dont want ties when you go into bootcamp.
u know... 13 weeks.
then 10 days back.
then ur off again for schooling in some type of infantry.
those 10 days.
ill be waiting.
i want ONE of those days.
just one.
or not even a full day.
even just... 2-3 hours.
to talk.
to listen.
to have you all to myself for just 2-3 hours.
june 28.
im going to cry all night.
anways... where was i going with this blog.
which is similar to probably 20 other ones x.x
oh yea.
why cant i get the FCK over you!.
you never want to talk to me.
hang out with me...
blahblahblah,
but youd want to ask me for help.
for food.
..for money...
thanks.
i feel really wanted.
i dont mind helping you out like that.
but REALLY?
if all a girl wants is time.
i dont see how you cant put aside ONE hour.... for her
or 30 sec. to txt back.
at least once.
i bet this yr alone ive sent you about 20-30 messages.
uve only replied to about... 2-3
wats THAT all about.
hurt, pain, depression.
thats all im getting out of this relationship.
except for that 5 sec. i get when i hug you.
judging on that pro and cons list.
i believe its time to let go.
superman isnt... exactly the person he was before.
gee i cant wait til you leave.
so i can forget ...or try... all about you...
for 13 weeks.... x.x
but im hoping you send me some mail.
cuz ill worry about you every day.
man.. shut up!
><
i have no idea wat to tell myself.
i dont know wats speaking my heart or my head.
and i dont know wat to listen to....
im so confused.
[i think thats obvious]
Ishle D=<3 "...home."
hmm...
hello, you
ladies made beautiful by longing
i wanna talk to you intimately about the shadow of war across your front lawn.
the hours spent captive in front of the TV
the shape of your arms and his arms
intwined like yellow ribbons in sleep
at night you lie with the boy who plays a soldier by day
he has perhaps whispered into your hair
cried into the sink of your collarbone
you know his fumbling fingers and the opts of his torso
you know how desperately he wants to be a hero
the night is moonless in both countries
looted of its stars
only your eyes are hard and unblinking
as you watch your one man march out like an ant into a horizon of bleak orange dust
into a land where his tongue is dust
and the planes and the motives of his home country fly
miles over his head
what can we do then
i ask you with empty hands
i speak to you as a woman who also loves a boy soldier, loves a boy man
maybe at night we should start a rebellion
whisper to them to hide under covers
or shoot in the wrong direction
tell them that there is no wind in song when you die a young legend
so be a hero playing playstation with your son
or be a man and hold me as if we had just begun
yes, this is a love poem tucked inside of a war poem
for women,
left with bruises, love bites, roses, babies and longings that stretched wider than any flag
for men,
who tuck our best wallet sized photos under their heads
to angel them and soak in all their untold dreams
for lovers,
who dream to see this world whole enough to hold them both
to see this world whole
we are the ones who will bring this world home
-ishle yi park.
i relate to this poem
im giving you my best wallet picture.<3
-----------------------------------------
yes, im gonna miss you.
yes, im still gonna think baout you
and yes, im still going to love you.
at least for now.
so i can have something to cling to.
i guess im one of those clingy types that i hate so much.
but its hard.
hard on me..
because im clinging to someone who doesnt want to be bother with love.
someone who probably has felt the same way.. but that was before.
im clinging to an unrequited love.
and that pains me.
i love those hugs.
b/t classes and after school.
but THATS ALL?
really?
shure i like them, but thats not all i want from you.
but seriously, if asking for your time is too much, i wont.
i just wanna talk to..
like before at work.
because its like i dont even know you
but i still 'love' you.
how is this possible?
i think its my mind playing tricks on me.
because i feel the need to always HAVE someone there,
because my family cant really be trusted.
shure my family loves me... but i dont always feel it.
always looking down on me... always criticizing me...
and YOU were there when they werent.
uknow, before.
when everything was 'ok' and just 'alright'
before the other girl.
before family issues.
when we were 'kids'
now you refuse for me to ever call you kid,
even when i im just kidding.
yea shure.. you tell me i needa grow up.
i CANT.
because i want to be a kid forever with you.
i dont want to grow old with you, thats boring.
i wanna have fun, go out, enjoy life.
the way you make adulthood seem... is serious.
im LEAH.
i cant always be serious.
i FAIL at situations like that.
and honestly when you said that.
my heart broke a little.
but since that day, you said you would leave.
my heart has BEEN breaking a little.
yes. its your fault.
yes its mine too.
its seems as if my brain has locked on to that fact that i love you.
and theres no key to unlock my heart from this torture and agony.. that is.. you.
relics all around my room.. from YOU.
all these songs, movies, colors, pictures. YOU
all these places, parks, restaurants, buses, school. YOU
everything. YOU.
why, you.
ive been dying for the day i would truly get over you.
wondering ever so greatly how id even manage to overcome that feat.
oh, wat an achievement that would be.
oh, wat a day to look forward to.
but iim dreading that day.
dreading that day id lose you.
probably to someone else,
prettier.
more mature.
more loving [impossible]
more understanding to your views [cuz apparently im not]
talented
rich [oh how vain]
someone who'll be there for you...
someone who you can go to
someone who's parents LOVE you
'the one'
yours.
right?
isnt that why you dont want to be in a relationship right now?
because what if 'that ONE person' walks into your life.
the 'perfect' one. the one for YOU.
id love to be that one.
but if i am.
then sorry... you couldnt see it.
or maybe you just dont want ties when you go into bootcamp.
u know... 13 weeks.
then 10 days back.
then ur off again for schooling in some type of infantry.
those 10 days.
ill be waiting.
i want ONE of those days.
just one.
or not even a full day.
even just... 2-3 hours.
to talk.
to listen.
to have you all to myself for just 2-3 hours.
june 28.
im going to cry all night.
anways... where was i going with this blog.
which is similar to probably 20 other ones x.x
oh yea.
why cant i get the FCK over you!.
you never want to talk to me.
hang out with me...
blahblahblah,
but youd want to ask me for help.
for food.
..for money...
thanks.
i feel really wanted.
i dont mind helping you out like that.
but REALLY?
if all a girl wants is time.
i dont see how you cant put aside ONE hour.... for her
or 30 sec. to txt back.
at least once.
i bet this yr alone ive sent you about 20-30 messages.
uve only replied to about... 2-3
wats THAT all about.
hurt, pain, depression.
thats all im getting out of this relationship.
except for that 5 sec. i get when i hug you.
judging on that pro and cons list.
i believe its time to let go.
superman isnt... exactly the person he was before.
gee i cant wait til you leave.
so i can forget ...or try... all about you...
for 13 weeks.... x.x
but im hoping you send me some mail.
cuz ill worry about you every day.
man.. shut up!
><
i have no idea wat to tell myself.
i dont know wats speaking my heart or my head.
and i dont know wat to listen to....
im so confused.
[i think thats obvious]
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
a crush?
so... wats the difference b/t..
-thinking someone is cute.
-having a crush on someone.
-'liking' someone.
cuz i find it hard to explain wat im feeling.
cuz like.. yea, i know theres still.. kira,
[but im trying my hardest ... to NOT. -.-
but yea...]
so i guess im trying to get over him by...
other ways.
and i feel like i do this alot anyways.
i think guys are cute every now and then.
but idk...
well i dont even really know him,
and THERE. i blow it up as if im crazy about him.
but really i have no idea if i really am or not.
because i dont know him.
i just see him every now and then
and there are small conversations,
but alota staring and eye catching.
which confuses me.. because usually wen that happens theres like some kind of connection.
but yea,
i dunno.
but i want to know.
but i dun wanna seem.. 'easy'?
but i dun want this moment to pass.
gah,
no idea how to handle this.
like i dont wanna mess up and embarrass myself.
cuz i wouldnt mind just being friends w. him if it doesnt 'work out' but still its like ... i wanna try it,
o.o
maybe talking to him more would do,
but being both seniors isnt really ...hmmm,
'helping' the situation.
but then again,
usually wen i 'go for' someone,
there are somewat feelings back.
so... i could try,
but there is something i might lose,
should i take that chance?
go for it?
no idea,
this is my convo in my head sorta censored. lol
random,
but...trying to get to an answer i guess
hm,
we'll see w.i the next few weeks/months.
=/
i wanna start talking to him.
but i dont wanna seem weird.
-thinking someone is cute.
-having a crush on someone.
-'liking' someone.
cuz i find it hard to explain wat im feeling.
cuz like.. yea, i know theres still.. kira,
[but im trying my hardest ... to NOT. -.-
but yea...]
so i guess im trying to get over him by...
other ways.
and i feel like i do this alot anyways.
i think guys are cute every now and then.
but idk...
well i dont even really know him,
and THERE. i blow it up as if im crazy about him.
but really i have no idea if i really am or not.
because i dont know him.
i just see him every now and then
and there are small conversations,
but alota staring and eye catching.
which confuses me.. because usually wen that happens theres like some kind of connection.
but yea,
i dunno.
but i want to know.
but i dun wanna seem.. 'easy'?
but i dun want this moment to pass.
gah,
no idea how to handle this.
like i dont wanna mess up and embarrass myself.
cuz i wouldnt mind just being friends w. him if it doesnt 'work out' but still its like ... i wanna try it,
o.o
maybe talking to him more would do,
but being both seniors isnt really ...hmmm,
'helping' the situation.
but then again,
usually wen i 'go for' someone,
there are somewat feelings back.
so... i could try,
but there is something i might lose,
should i take that chance?
go for it?
no idea,
this is my convo in my head sorta censored. lol
random,
but...trying to get to an answer i guess
hm,
we'll see w.i the next few weeks/months.
=/
i wanna start talking to him.
but i dont wanna seem weird.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
you know...
YOU were the only reason i got out of bed this morning.
because u said u needed help and i was gonna help you.
[besides Velez and her letter thing]
but cmon,
i was going to STAY HOME.
because i feel like shit.
no one can tell,
i bet you cant.
i look at you in the eyes...
with my eyes like this,
and u cant tell.
after you said... u didnt need help anymore
i could literally hear..
my heart break.
i BROKE DOWN.
ok
i was going to talk to you about it when i was helping u out with ur hw.
but.. i couldnt.
and i dont know who else to go to.
thanks.
i thought when u asked me to help u.
i was wanted.
you know,
i FELT wanted.
but i wasnt.
after all.
it just makes me so much worse.
i dont feel like... doing anything anymore.
YOU were my motivation.
im not exactly sure if that can be true anymore.
-----
i want to see a doctor.
i feel as if im really losing it.
..
i broke down two night in a row.
and i cant sleep right now + my stomach hurts alot.
im scared.
i really want to say im going thru depression.
so i can say its something.
but i have no idea.
is this wat depression feels like?
non stop crying.
for no goddam reason.
then u think of reasons to cry.
and u cant freakin.... stop urself.
then u try hurting utself [not..cut... i promised] to make it stop
but it only makes it worse.
and u keep thinking that the world will be better w/o u.
or.. it doenst matter if u die or not.
no one would care.
and no one listens to you.
u feel alone.
no one understands you.
and u feel like theres no way out of it.
and.. u just want to DIE.
..like.. really die.
.. if thats how depression feels..
i want medication.
im afraid... of myself right now.
fck.
here it comes...
because u said u needed help and i was gonna help you.
[besides Velez and her letter thing]
but cmon,
i was going to STAY HOME.
because i feel like shit.
no one can tell,
i bet you cant.
i look at you in the eyes...
with my eyes like this,
and u cant tell.
after you said... u didnt need help anymore
i could literally hear..
my heart break.
i BROKE DOWN.
ok
i was going to talk to you about it when i was helping u out with ur hw.
but.. i couldnt.
and i dont know who else to go to.
thanks.
i thought when u asked me to help u.
i was wanted.
you know,
i FELT wanted.
but i wasnt.
after all.
it just makes me so much worse.
i dont feel like... doing anything anymore.
YOU were my motivation.
im not exactly sure if that can be true anymore.
-----
i want to see a doctor.
i feel as if im really losing it.
..
i broke down two night in a row.
and i cant sleep right now + my stomach hurts alot.
im scared.
i really want to say im going thru depression.
so i can say its something.
but i have no idea.
is this wat depression feels like?
non stop crying.
for no goddam reason.
then u think of reasons to cry.
and u cant freakin.... stop urself.
then u try hurting utself [not..cut... i promised] to make it stop
but it only makes it worse.
and u keep thinking that the world will be better w/o u.
or.. it doenst matter if u die or not.
no one would care.
and no one listens to you.
u feel alone.
no one understands you.
and u feel like theres no way out of it.
and.. u just want to DIE.
..like.. really die.
.. if thats how depression feels..
i want medication.
im afraid... of myself right now.
fck.
here it comes...
Sunday, January 3, 2010
what makes me happy.
these things make me happy.
they make me feel better when im sad.
-shopping.[window shopping too] or... walking in a mall.
-listening to the music i like
-petville o.o'
-dennis's hugs
-playing piano [sometimes]
-going out to eat [at a sit down restaurant]
-ice cream. / frozen yogurt
-rain ..
-cake / ice cream cake / cookies [chocolatechip or white chocolate macadamia]
-nap[s]
-my teddy bear.<3
-youtubing def poetry
-blogging [sometimes]
-playground swings.
-talking to eric on the phone.
-rockband [SRL]
-the hours -after- FYC ends. [hanging out with kuya jeff]
-doing something productive .. but not forced.
-badminton [just for fun]
-watching family guy or the simpsons or american dad or south park with ron
-watching TV with ron XD
-coloring in a coloring book
-going out with my mom [not to her office]
-being out with friends
-sitting on the rooftop
-Wii
-playing yahoo games [collapse and text twist]
-taking a hot shower.
-making stars
-walking with people
-downtown
-board games / cards with ppl
-any minty kinda candy or chocolate [dark]
-cute strangers that smile at u [hah!]
-playing uke to myself and singing
-food network [sometimes] .. other times it bores me
-a good book
-laughing
-going thru the pictures on my laptop
-the deserts from that one place in lions plaza
-eating at sweet tomatoes [i like it :D]
-salmon sashimi / other sushi
-writing on my white board
-spotty [i miss him D=]
-staying up [yea, it makes me feel better]
-SRL moments
-yahoo news [the interesting ones]
-chips [sometimes]
-hot tea [the kind i get from teavana]
-free samples [of good food]
-jokes [sometimes o.o]
-the crazy weird things i do with jovey
-down time [yea, sometimes i just wanna be alone]
-making other ppl feel better.
-tetris
-writing . lyrics/poems/stories
-taking pictures
-chocolate milk
-lying down
-thinking about what makes me feel better.
-stuffed animals [the cute ones!]
-ron break dancing
-reading postsecrets.
-the dogtag
-funny / romantic movies
-japanese/filipino dramas
-'shopping' online
-showing me you care.
-reading this list
><
ive had a BLAH day.
ill look back at this whenever i have another one...
they make me feel better when im sad.
-shopping.[window shopping too] or... walking in a mall.
-listening to the music i like
-petville o.o'
-dennis's hugs
-playing piano [sometimes]
-going out to eat [at a sit down restaurant]
-ice cream. / frozen yogurt
-rain ..
-cake / ice cream cake / cookies [chocolatechip or white chocolate macadamia]
-nap[s]
-my teddy bear.<3
-youtubing def poetry
-blogging [sometimes]
-playground swings.
-talking to eric on the phone.
-rockband [SRL]
-the hours -after- FYC ends. [hanging out with kuya jeff]
-doing something productive .. but not forced.
-badminton [just for fun]
-watching family guy or the simpsons or american dad or south park with ron
-watching TV with ron XD
-coloring in a coloring book
-going out with my mom [not to her office]
-being out with friends
-sitting on the rooftop
-Wii
-playing yahoo games [collapse and text twist]
-taking a hot shower.
-making stars
-walking with people
-downtown
-board games / cards with ppl
-any minty kinda candy or chocolate [dark]
-cute strangers that smile at u [hah!]
-playing uke to myself and singing
-food network [sometimes] .. other times it bores me
-a good book
-laughing
-going thru the pictures on my laptop
-the deserts from that one place in lions plaza
-eating at sweet tomatoes [i like it :D]
-salmon sashimi / other sushi
-writing on my white board
-spotty [i miss him D=]
-staying up [yea, it makes me feel better]
-SRL moments
-yahoo news [the interesting ones]
-chips [sometimes]
-hot tea [the kind i get from teavana]
-free samples [of good food]
-jokes [sometimes o.o]
-the crazy weird things i do with jovey
-down time [yea, sometimes i just wanna be alone]
-making other ppl feel better.
-tetris
-writing . lyrics/poems/stories
-taking pictures
-chocolate milk
-lying down
-thinking about what makes me feel better.
-stuffed animals [the cute ones!]
-ron break dancing
-reading postsecrets.
-the dogtag
-funny / romantic movies
-japanese/filipino dramas
-'shopping' online
-showing me you care.
-reading this list
><
ive had a BLAH day.
ill look back at this whenever i have another one...
Saturday, January 2, 2010
its not right
its just not right to fire ur our niece from her job...because theres OTHER ppl... because she cant drive.. because of her mom not being real family and because other ppl spread stupid rumors and kiss ass.
its not right that my door has to break.. today.
great 2nd day of the dam yr present.
its not right that a 17 yr old girl constantly thinks about death and killing herself.
just because she feels like she does fit in anywhere.
everyone says they care. they say they love her.
how come she doesnt see it.
she doesnt see how DAM lucky she is.
but there she goes,
crying. and wishing kill herself.
she knows where the knives are.
she knows that if u cut urself and emerse urself in water long enough you can knock out.
..
maybe she needs a gun,
its not right that she thinks she needs help but doesnt get it.
she wants a therapist.
because she feels no one really listens..
or has time t..
or understands her.
but she afraid her mom might just bring her back to the doctors.
last yr they said to just put it to god.
wtf,
ur a doctor not a priest.
she wants to know if shes manic depressive.
because shes felt this since last yr.
no one will help her.
thats wat she thinks.
so she fakes it outside,
but she kills herself inside,
might as well kill my whole self if i feel like this all the time now.
its not right for an older sibling watch a younger be more loved.
be more cared for.
be more free.
he gets to drive and look at cars.
and own guns
and go out
and cuss.
and be FREE.
its not fair that all she wants to do is be free.
and she cant.
because shes too DAM dependent on them.
because of her stupid eyesight.
its just not right..
her eyesight seems to be the only problem to her.
she cant take it anymore.
not being able to see in class.
to see 'normal'
watever other ppl can see..she cant.
she cant DRIVE because of it.
dammit.
its just not right that she wants to die
.
she thinks about it everyday.
itll be easier on everyone if i died.
no ones really depending on me anyway.
i should just go.
an kill myself.
it sounds right,
its not right that my door has to break.. today.
great 2nd day of the dam yr present.
its not right that a 17 yr old girl constantly thinks about death and killing herself.
just because she feels like she does fit in anywhere.
everyone says they care. they say they love her.
how come she doesnt see it.
she doesnt see how DAM lucky she is.
but there she goes,
crying. and wishing kill herself.
she knows where the knives are.
she knows that if u cut urself and emerse urself in water long enough you can knock out.
..
maybe she needs a gun,
its not right that she thinks she needs help but doesnt get it.
she wants a therapist.
because she feels no one really listens..
or has time t..
or understands her.
but she afraid her mom might just bring her back to the doctors.
last yr they said to just put it to god.
wtf,
ur a doctor not a priest.
she wants to know if shes manic depressive.
because shes felt this since last yr.
no one will help her.
thats wat she thinks.
so she fakes it outside,
but she kills herself inside,
might as well kill my whole self if i feel like this all the time now.
its not right for an older sibling watch a younger be more loved.
be more cared for.
be more free.
he gets to drive and look at cars.
and own guns
and go out
and cuss.
and be FREE.
its not fair that all she wants to do is be free.
and she cant.
because shes too DAM dependent on them.
because of her stupid eyesight.
its just not right..
her eyesight seems to be the only problem to her.
she cant take it anymore.
not being able to see in class.
to see 'normal'
watever other ppl can see..she cant.
she cant DRIVE because of it.
dammit.
its just not right that she wants to die
.
she thinks about it everyday.
itll be easier on everyone if i died.
no ones really depending on me anyway.
i should just go.
an kill myself.
it sounds right,
Friday, January 1, 2010
WHAT REALLY?
are you serious?
-.-
you let my brother say.
FUCK BITCH SHIT [etc]
but when the word 'EVIL' comes out of my mouth
you go all BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH.
i dont even cuss like him..
that makes NO sense.
what kind of example are u setting.
you know.
you showed me how to lie
you taught me how to ignore people
you practically told me how to do all these things.
how to be busy.
busy to ignore your own children for a TV show.
to prioritize work rather than ur kids.
to use the phone while you drive.
to not pay any attention to ur kids while they talk to you about something important.. to them at least.
to just LIVE with something that isnt benefiting you at all.
to tell someone you DONT CARE ABOUT THEM.
to call someone STUPID.
to get mad at small things
YOU taught me that.
its your fault im like this.
-.-
you let my brother say.
FUCK BITCH SHIT [etc]
but when the word 'EVIL' comes out of my mouth
you go all BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH.
i dont even cuss like him..
that makes NO sense.
what kind of example are u setting.
you know.
you showed me how to lie
you taught me how to ignore people
you practically told me how to do all these things.
how to be busy.
busy to ignore your own children for a TV show.
to prioritize work rather than ur kids.
to use the phone while you drive.
to not pay any attention to ur kids while they talk to you about something important.. to them at least.
to just LIVE with something that isnt benefiting you at all.
to tell someone you DONT CARE ABOUT THEM.
to call someone STUPID.
to get mad at small things
YOU taught me that.
its your fault im like this.
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