thank you
for everything.
for having a successful multi.
for being there for me during 5th period
for being there for me during 6th period.
for bring there for me on the phone and being one of my best friends [=
for telling me to keep it up and dont cry.
for helping me through my tough times
for sharing my struggle
for understanding
for not being too hard on me
for trying
for staying quiet wen i needed you to be
for not lecturing me
for showing me who my friends are.
for letting me let go of you
for the fun times we had
for smiling and laughing with me
for eating out with me
for going 'shopping' with me
for malls
for answering my random questions.
for singing with me
for not judging me
for wishing me luck
for knowing
for acknowledging me
for helping me carry stuff
for not making me do alot of classwork this week/month
for letting me pass calculus x.x barely
for that $500 scholarship.
for money.. sorta
for kuya jeff.
for my brother
for my mom.. sorta,
for jovey
for eric
for everyone who has done anything to help me.
for my phone x.x
for piano
for being able to use piano to let go... and relax.
for my uke
for being able to sorta sing [lol]
for internet
for music.
for the 'unity'
for kasama
for FYC
for school friends
for close friends
for boys ;] hah.
for food
for shelter
for life.
thank you guys for everything
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
first love blind sided. =[
oh.. yahoo. how i adore your articles...
Which element of a breakup dictates recovery time more: the type of breakup, or the person you broke up with? My theory is the type of breakup you experience determines how long it takes to get over it more than the actual person.
Here are 7 different types of breakups ranked by shortest recovery time to longest recovery time:
7. The Mutual Breakup
This is as peaceful a breakup as you can have, like when the entire family agrees it's time to pull the plug on grandpa's respirator: he is freed of his misery, and the family feels a sense of relief. I've never had a mutual breakup. I can't catch that lightning in a bottle. But it can't be that tough to recover from a mutual breakup and get back out in the dating scene again.
6. The Circumstantial Breakup
A cousin of the mutual breakup, the circumstantial breakup occurs when the environment around you won't permit the relationship to continue: my parents hate you, you're in Cali and I'm in NY (or even, you're one town over), I need to be single for a while, etc. Recovery time is shortened because the other person offers an excuse that takes the focus off your weaknesses or unattractive qualities that could have caused a breakup.
5. The Ultimatum Breakup
The most common ultimatum leading to a breakup is: "ask me to marry you within the next year of I'm out of here." Other conflicts could cause ultimatums as well: change your religion, get rid of that stupid old car, etc. Ultimatum breakups can be tough to get over because it's annoying that a little compromise could have prevented it. But once it's over, that pressure from the stalemate you reached in the relationship is gone, so it's quite a relief.
4. The Something Someone Said Breakup
My friend broke up with his girlfriend he was dating for years, and he mentioned a conversation that occurred shortly before they broke up. They were discussing wedding rings, and she asked how much he'd spend. He simply hasn't studied the "market" so he threw a number out there: "I don't know, $5,000." She scoffed and said: "You should spend no less than $20,000."
He told me after she said that, he couldn't think of her the same way anymore. In fact, it put a figurative "X" over her image in his eyes. They eventually broke up, and this conversation was the springboard. This type of breakup is painful because you wish you could take something you said or did back.
3. The I've Been Cheating
Whether you find out from them or some other way, it's the ultimate betrayal when they are cheating on you. You can get over it because you dismiss this person as a cheating jerk, but you still feel stupid and you might spend several months envisioning the cheating or trying to regain faith in the opposite gender.
2. The First Love Breakup
The First Love breakup is one of the toughest to overcome. Some say you never get over it. This breakup teaches us that the world is a bigger place than we thought. There are more people to meet, there are bills to pay, there are places to go. Things just can't stay the same as they once were.
Mine hit me when I got to college and my girlfirend stayed behind in high school. Eventually, we had to move on. The first love breakup is hurts so much because you've never experienced this feeling of loss and disappointment before. And, it's part of growing up and growing up is usually a painful process.
1. The Blind Side
My friend recently blind sided his ex. After she cried for an hour, he decided he had put in enough time and he left. This is traumatic because it comes out of nowhere. The blind sider may have been thinking about it for months, and they conceal their intentions, then drop the bomb while everything seems to be going well. In fact, the couple may have spent time together the night before, but the blind sider did so out of obligation.
Blind Sides chip away at your ability to trust. If someone can break up with you when things seem to be going so well, you'll have a tough time avoiding paranoia and trusting your new partners.
Which element of a breakup dictates recovery time more: the type of breakup, or the person you broke up with? My theory is the type of breakup you experience determines how long it takes to get over it more than the actual person.
Here are 7 different types of breakups ranked by shortest recovery time to longest recovery time:
7. The Mutual Breakup
This is as peaceful a breakup as you can have, like when the entire family agrees it's time to pull the plug on grandpa's respirator: he is freed of his misery, and the family feels a sense of relief. I've never had a mutual breakup. I can't catch that lightning in a bottle. But it can't be that tough to recover from a mutual breakup and get back out in the dating scene again.
6. The Circumstantial Breakup
A cousin of the mutual breakup, the circumstantial breakup occurs when the environment around you won't permit the relationship to continue: my parents hate you, you're in Cali and I'm in NY (or even, you're one town over), I need to be single for a while, etc. Recovery time is shortened because the other person offers an excuse that takes the focus off your weaknesses or unattractive qualities that could have caused a breakup.
5. The Ultimatum Breakup
The most common ultimatum leading to a breakup is: "ask me to marry you within the next year of I'm out of here." Other conflicts could cause ultimatums as well: change your religion, get rid of that stupid old car, etc. Ultimatum breakups can be tough to get over because it's annoying that a little compromise could have prevented it. But once it's over, that pressure from the stalemate you reached in the relationship is gone, so it's quite a relief.
4. The Something Someone Said Breakup
My friend broke up with his girlfriend he was dating for years, and he mentioned a conversation that occurred shortly before they broke up. They were discussing wedding rings, and she asked how much he'd spend. He simply hasn't studied the "market" so he threw a number out there: "I don't know, $5,000." She scoffed and said: "You should spend no less than $20,000."
He told me after she said that, he couldn't think of her the same way anymore. In fact, it put a figurative "X" over her image in his eyes. They eventually broke up, and this conversation was the springboard. This type of breakup is painful because you wish you could take something you said or did back.
3. The I've Been Cheating
Whether you find out from them or some other way, it's the ultimate betrayal when they are cheating on you. You can get over it because you dismiss this person as a cheating jerk, but you still feel stupid and you might spend several months envisioning the cheating or trying to regain faith in the opposite gender.
2. The First Love Breakup
The First Love breakup is one of the toughest to overcome. Some say you never get over it. This breakup teaches us that the world is a bigger place than we thought. There are more people to meet, there are bills to pay, there are places to go. Things just can't stay the same as they once were.
Mine hit me when I got to college and my girlfirend stayed behind in high school. Eventually, we had to move on. The first love breakup is hurts so much because you've never experienced this feeling of loss and disappointment before. And, it's part of growing up and growing up is usually a painful process.
1. The Blind Side
My friend recently blind sided his ex. After she cried for an hour, he decided he had put in enough time and he left. This is traumatic because it comes out of nowhere. The blind sider may have been thinking about it for months, and they conceal their intentions, then drop the bomb while everything seems to be going well. In fact, the couple may have spent time together the night before, but the blind sider did so out of obligation.
Blind Sides chip away at your ability to trust. If someone can break up with you when things seem to be going so well, you'll have a tough time avoiding paranoia and trusting your new partners.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
multicultural is coming up..
so WAT THE FCK is everyones problem.
i hold practices so that YOU guys can look good.
so that this club can perform and spread its filipino culture to the 'community'
so that we wont SUCK next week.
its NEXT WEEK. dammit.!
i dont know if you guys can grasp that idea.
but.. thats.. uhmm.. 7 days?
today was THE ABSOLUTE WORST DAY [besides after practice :D - but thats a different blog]
barely anyone showed up.
i look highly to those who did
and to those who told me they couldnt show up FOR A LEGIT REASON.
but everyone else...
really?
im there for you guys.
if you dont want to do multi.
shure.
ill just take kasama out of it and we'll be finished.
i wouldnt have to waste my time waiting for ppl to show up to practice.
and i wouldnt have to waste my own personal money for the needs of the club.
but i cant do that.
you know why?
because i LOVE this club.
i LOVE my culture.
and..
even tho i spend my afternoons listening to that dam song everyday.
even if it might get a little annoying.
im OK with it.
because thats how much i LOVE kasama
but it BREAKS MY HEART.
knowing that you sign up to do it or you say youd do it.
and you..... act like you dont give a SHIT about it
you act like... oh... its just kasama... im gonna go out with my friends....and have fun elsewhere.
because kasama really doesnt mean anything to you.
kasama means just about half of my life. as of right now.
THANKS.
thanks for making me feel like an idiot.
wasting my days on the blacktop waiting.
thanks for killing my dream of having a successful mutli.
all odds were agaisnt me this year.
-some of my officers didnt take this seriously.
i had meetings and ...
gah, i dont even want to talk about them.
i act like its fine.
its NOT.
ur an officer.
i chose you because i thot youd be responsible enough to get the job done..
only like.. 2 or 3 of you really help much. [i thank you]
-multi was moved up ONE WHOLE MONTH.
thats 4 weeks. subracted to our practice.
thats why we're practicing so much. ok?
4 weeks is ALOT of time.
and yet again, i repeat.
we have ONE week left.
-ME.
im stressed out like crazy.
i have family problems falling everywhere
at every turn
my COLLEGE auditions are ALL in feb.
except one in march.
but COME ON. the timing in my life is horrible.
last saturday i just took two of the most important auditions in my life
because those two decide whethere or not i get into my top 2 choices.
nxt week. the day after multi.. i have 2 more auditions
and in march i have one the saturday after the bad concert.
and then there goes the thing with my vision.
but thats already up somewhere... on facebook..
yes. im complaining about my life.
and i know .. maybe you guys have it worse off than me.
but you can at least help me out by not making this so stressful for me.
when i YELL.
you know i fckin mean it.
dont walk. RUN.
because im getting tired of... it all. really.
i just cant wait til its over.
and i hope to God that this wont happen during battle season.
im not quitting on you guys just yet.
oh, jovey.
youll have a wonderful time next year.
maybe ill stop by one day and see how you guys are doing.
...
and really,
i cant believe that only some of you come to practice.
i know.. sports.
other clubs.
family..
but really... x.x
at least tell me when ur not gonna be there.
so i dont expect...
yea, im very repetitive
you know,
there are about 47 of you guys...
in the performance..
how many people come to practice everyday?
or.. even.. at all...
around half... or less.
i feel real special.
cuz.. i cant take a day off.
im there everyday.
every hour.
every DAM minute.
of counting.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
......
if tmrw and especially saturday.. are the same as these last few days.
..
omg. i dont know wat im gonna do.
i thot being president of kasama would be great.
cuz id finally be able to do something i wanted to do for the club.
id be able to do this and that and have fun with the club.
now.
im just gonna be a bitch.
hate me if you want for this next week.
because im gonna be PISSED every day. until multi is over with.
so that you guys can take me SERIOUSLY.
our next practices are
friday, feb 19 @ 2pm on the blacktop [if it rains, meet in the hallway area]
saturday, feb 20 @ 1pm on the blacktop [same if it rains]
monday and tuesday feb 22 and 23 @ 3:10pm [YES, 3:10]
TUESDAY MEETING AT LUNCH FOR EVERYONE IN MULTI.
wednesday and thursday feb 24 and 25 AFTER SCHOOL @ TBA [at meeting at lunch]
FRIDAY ****IMPORTANT***** feb 26 [day of multi] 5am. YES that is 5 AM. IN THE MORNING. on the blacktop. and if no one is on the blacktop, we're already in the gym.
BE THERE. at 5am. [so that we can practice in the gym before the performances actually start]
PLEASE. DO NOT BE LATE TO ANY OF THESE.
i am NOT tolerating it anymore.
NO LATES.
and im SERIOUS.
im gonna bitch at people all i want.
because its one week before multi.
tell everyone in multi.
IM SERIOUS.
i hold practices so that YOU guys can look good.
so that this club can perform and spread its filipino culture to the 'community'
so that we wont SUCK next week.
its NEXT WEEK. dammit.!
i dont know if you guys can grasp that idea.
but.. thats.. uhmm.. 7 days?
today was THE ABSOLUTE WORST DAY [besides after practice :D - but thats a different blog]
barely anyone showed up.
i look highly to those who did
and to those who told me they couldnt show up FOR A LEGIT REASON.
but everyone else...
really?
im there for you guys.
if you dont want to do multi.
shure.
ill just take kasama out of it and we'll be finished.
i wouldnt have to waste my time waiting for ppl to show up to practice.
and i wouldnt have to waste my own personal money for the needs of the club.
but i cant do that.
you know why?
because i LOVE this club.
i LOVE my culture.
and..
even tho i spend my afternoons listening to that dam song everyday.
even if it might get a little annoying.
im OK with it.
because thats how much i LOVE kasama
but it BREAKS MY HEART.
knowing that you sign up to do it or you say youd do it.
and you..... act like you dont give a SHIT about it
you act like... oh... its just kasama... im gonna go out with my friends....and have fun elsewhere.
because kasama really doesnt mean anything to you.
kasama means just about half of my life. as of right now.
THANKS.
thanks for making me feel like an idiot.
wasting my days on the blacktop waiting.
thanks for killing my dream of having a successful mutli.
all odds were agaisnt me this year.
-some of my officers didnt take this seriously.
i had meetings and ...
gah, i dont even want to talk about them.
i act like its fine.
its NOT.
ur an officer.
i chose you because i thot youd be responsible enough to get the job done..
only like.. 2 or 3 of you really help much. [i thank you]
-multi was moved up ONE WHOLE MONTH.
thats 4 weeks. subracted to our practice.
thats why we're practicing so much. ok?
4 weeks is ALOT of time.
and yet again, i repeat.
we have ONE week left.
-ME.
im stressed out like crazy.
i have family problems falling everywhere
at every turn
my COLLEGE auditions are ALL in feb.
except one in march.
but COME ON. the timing in my life is horrible.
last saturday i just took two of the most important auditions in my life
because those two decide whethere or not i get into my top 2 choices.
nxt week. the day after multi.. i have 2 more auditions
and in march i have one the saturday after the bad concert.
and then there goes the thing with my vision.
but thats already up somewhere... on facebook..
yes. im complaining about my life.
and i know .. maybe you guys have it worse off than me.
but you can at least help me out by not making this so stressful for me.
when i YELL.
you know i fckin mean it.
dont walk. RUN.
because im getting tired of... it all. really.
i just cant wait til its over.
and i hope to God that this wont happen during battle season.
im not quitting on you guys just yet.
oh, jovey.
youll have a wonderful time next year.
maybe ill stop by one day and see how you guys are doing.
...
and really,
i cant believe that only some of you come to practice.
i know.. sports.
other clubs.
family..
but really... x.x
at least tell me when ur not gonna be there.
so i dont expect...
yea, im very repetitive
you know,
there are about 47 of you guys...
in the performance..
how many people come to practice everyday?
or.. even.. at all...
around half... or less.
i feel real special.
cuz.. i cant take a day off.
im there everyday.
every hour.
every DAM minute.
of counting.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
......
if tmrw and especially saturday.. are the same as these last few days.
..
omg. i dont know wat im gonna do.
i thot being president of kasama would be great.
cuz id finally be able to do something i wanted to do for the club.
id be able to do this and that and have fun with the club.
now.
im just gonna be a bitch.
hate me if you want for this next week.
because im gonna be PISSED every day. until multi is over with.
so that you guys can take me SERIOUSLY.
our next practices are
friday, feb 19 @ 2pm on the blacktop [if it rains, meet in the hallway area]
saturday, feb 20 @ 1pm on the blacktop [same if it rains]
monday and tuesday feb 22 and 23 @ 3:10pm [YES, 3:10]
TUESDAY MEETING AT LUNCH FOR EVERYONE IN MULTI.
wednesday and thursday feb 24 and 25 AFTER SCHOOL @ TBA [at meeting at lunch]
FRIDAY ****IMPORTANT***** feb 26 [day of multi] 5am. YES that is 5 AM. IN THE MORNING. on the blacktop. and if no one is on the blacktop, we're already in the gym.
BE THERE. at 5am. [so that we can practice in the gym before the performances actually start]
PLEASE. DO NOT BE LATE TO ANY OF THESE.
i am NOT tolerating it anymore.
NO LATES.
and im SERIOUS.
im gonna bitch at people all i want.
because its one week before multi.
tell everyone in multi.
IM SERIOUS.
Monday, February 15, 2010
now that its all said and done
i cant believe you were the one
to build me up and tear me down
like and old abandoned house
what you said when you left
just left me cold and out of breath
i felt if i was in way too deep
i guess i let you get the best of me....
well i never saw it coming
i shoulda started running a long long time ago
and i never thought id doubt you
im better off without you
more than you more than you know
im slowly getting closure
i guess its really over
im finally getting better
now im picking up the pieces
spending all these years
just putting my heart back together
cuz the day i thought id never get through
i got over you
you took a hammer to these walls
dragged the memories down the hall
you packed your bags and walked away
there was nothing i could say
and once you slammed the front door shut
a lot of other opened up
so did my eyes so i could see
that you never were the best for me
well i never saw it coming
i shoulda started running a long long time ago
and i never thought id doubt you
im better off without you
more than you more than you know
im slowly getting closure
i guess its really over
im finally getting better
now im picking up the pieces
spending all these years
just putting my heart back together
cuz the day i thought id never get through
i got over you
.....
yes, i got over you.
at least for the most part.
im moving on.
im living my life.
im dating o.o
ill still miss you wen you leave.
i hope we'll still be able to hang out some time...
before then.
x.x
the three of us.
like old times sake.
..
i hope that'll be able to happen.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways.
this week will be 'hectic'
wrapping up multi stuffs.
plus .
i will soo be able to have a life.
XD
ugh,
besides music man ..
and calculus.
=[
then battle.
blah.
oh well.
ill enjoy it while it lasts
just hanging in there until march
then it'll be less RIUNDOFINVODFJINVDIOPJSDFMASBLAH
lol
Feb 26 multi
Fev 27 college auditions; SFSU and CSU east bay
Mar 11 band concert
Mar 20 Rons birthday [=
endofmarch/beginning of april -----I WILL KNOW MY FUTURE. x.x
April 5-9 spring break
April 15,16,21,22 music man
April 24 CVC production night
May 5 AP calc
May 19 Senior VS staff Bball
May 20 pops concert
May TBA - battle x.x
June 10 graduation
its going by really slow and fast at the same time.
its so weird.
to build me up and tear me down
like and old abandoned house
what you said when you left
just left me cold and out of breath
i felt if i was in way too deep
i guess i let you get the best of me....
well i never saw it coming
i shoulda started running a long long time ago
and i never thought id doubt you
im better off without you
more than you more than you know
im slowly getting closure
i guess its really over
im finally getting better
now im picking up the pieces
spending all these years
just putting my heart back together
cuz the day i thought id never get through
i got over you
you took a hammer to these walls
dragged the memories down the hall
you packed your bags and walked away
there was nothing i could say
and once you slammed the front door shut
a lot of other opened up
so did my eyes so i could see
that you never were the best for me
well i never saw it coming
i shoulda started running a long long time ago
and i never thought id doubt you
im better off without you
more than you more than you know
im slowly getting closure
i guess its really over
im finally getting better
now im picking up the pieces
spending all these years
just putting my heart back together
cuz the day i thought id never get through
i got over you
.....
yes, i got over you.
at least for the most part.
im moving on.
im living my life.
im dating o.o
ill still miss you wen you leave.
i hope we'll still be able to hang out some time...
before then.
x.x
the three of us.
like old times sake.
..
i hope that'll be able to happen.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways.
this week will be 'hectic'
wrapping up multi stuffs.
plus .
i will soo be able to have a life.
XD
ugh,
besides music man ..
and calculus.
=[
then battle.
blah.
oh well.
ill enjoy it while it lasts
just hanging in there until march
then it'll be less RIUNDOFINVODFJINVDIOPJSDFMASBLAH
lol
Feb 26 multi
Fev 27 college auditions; SFSU and CSU east bay
Mar 11 band concert
Mar 20 Rons birthday [=
endofmarch/beginning of april -----I WILL KNOW MY FUTURE. x.x
April 5-9 spring break
April 15,16,21,22 music man
April 24 CVC production night
May 5 AP calc
May 19 Senior VS staff Bball
May 20 pops concert
May TBA - battle x.x
June 10 graduation
its going by really slow and fast at the same time.
its so weird.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
college auditions
x.x
finished 2.
2 more to go.
then its over.
[=
today i had this crazy triangular trip t/o the bay area.
first i went to stockton.
to UOP.. for audition + interview w. music therapy staff...
then..
rushrushrush
to SF.
because i had another audition 2 hours later D=
BUUUT,
we ran into a detour that....
made us go thru hayward... san leandro x.x and oakland. and eventually downtown oakland.
sooo random.
but i got to go on the bay bridge,
first time on that bridge too!
quality time with my mom.
after SF [for Berklee audition]
we went to eat out.
cuz i like eating out.
after long days/stressful days/ for celebrating.
we went to Mizu sushi,
because of the thing i saw in the school newspaper the other day,
i wanted sushi and it would be the 2nd time i went there,
so i felt like eating there.
we did.
then we picked up my lil bro and then we went home.
yea x.x
id rather not go into more detail.
trust me.
i can write a story.
but here,
i think ive got my list of priority colleges.
like.. in order from first choice to last fallback.
i only applied to 7 colleges. and so far one JC [i will apply to another one soon]
1- Berklee College of Music [Boston, MA] -music therapy major
2- University of the Pacific [Stockton, CA] -music therapy major
3- CSU Monterey Bay [Seaside, CA] -music therapy major
4- Santa Clara [Santa Clara, CA/ here] -music major
5- CSU East Bay [Hayward, CA] -music major
6- SJSU [here] -music major
7- SFSU [SF, CA] -music major / music teaching
8- Everygreen Valley [here]
9- West Valley [here]
i HELLA wanna get into Berklee, but.. if not im good with UOP.
please x.x
ill update more later.
about college stuff.
now,
multi.
worry worry worry worry worry. =[
finished 2.
2 more to go.
then its over.
[=
today i had this crazy triangular trip t/o the bay area.
first i went to stockton.
to UOP.. for audition + interview w. music therapy staff...
then..
rushrushrush
to SF.
because i had another audition 2 hours later D=
BUUUT,
we ran into a detour that....
made us go thru hayward... san leandro x.x and oakland. and eventually downtown oakland.
sooo random.
but i got to go on the bay bridge,
first time on that bridge too!
quality time with my mom.
after SF [for Berklee audition]
we went to eat out.
cuz i like eating out.
after long days/stressful days/ for celebrating.
we went to Mizu sushi,
because of the thing i saw in the school newspaper the other day,
i wanted sushi and it would be the 2nd time i went there,
so i felt like eating there.
we did.
then we picked up my lil bro and then we went home.
yea x.x
id rather not go into more detail.
trust me.
i can write a story.
but here,
i think ive got my list of priority colleges.
like.. in order from first choice to last fallback.
i only applied to 7 colleges. and so far one JC [i will apply to another one soon]
1- Berklee College of Music [Boston, MA] -music therapy major
2- University of the Pacific [Stockton, CA] -music therapy major
3- CSU Monterey Bay [Seaside, CA] -music therapy major
4- Santa Clara [Santa Clara, CA/ here] -music major
5- CSU East Bay [Hayward, CA] -music major
6- SJSU [here] -music major
7- SFSU [SF, CA] -music major / music teaching
8- Everygreen Valley [here]
9- West Valley [here]
i HELLA wanna get into Berklee, but.. if not im good with UOP.
please x.x
ill update more later.
about college stuff.
now,
multi.
worry worry worry worry worry. =[
Sunday, February 7, 2010
havent blogged in a while..
so ill blog right now.
o.o
=/
ok.
so im gonna rant about wats on my mind.
number1.
multi.
[kasama]
im kinda stressing out here.
its in.... around 20 days o.o u know that.
AND I HAVENT EVEN FINISHED THE DAMN ROUTINE YET.
.... 'we' havent at least...
i dont like how for the first 2 weeks of practice its only been 3 officers.
we have 8 dammit.
...
i dont like how wenever i have dam officer meetings.
no one cares.
and i worked SO hard...
and they dont fcking give a dam.
i have a life too..
i chose them because i thought they were reliable.
apparently not really. ... maybe 2 or 3...
but geez....
i wish multi was cancelled.
id be happy.
i would be relieved.
i would have free afternoons to worry about other things.
like college auditions...
and band concert...
and school.
and family.
and FRIENDS. x.x
and life...
i love how people come to practice tho.
its wonderful,
at least thats not the problem.
i love how i can trust those people with things.
and i love how some ppl help out more than the officers.
because it actually feels like im accomplishing something because they want it too... not jus for me.
yes, ranting about how i feel officers arent doing a good job.
im a pretty bad president too..
.... D=
and it kills me knowing that.
but really,
would they do the minutes???
would they lead meetings?
would they email leaders of other companies?
would they think of fundraisers?
would they go to kasama practice everyday?
would they be able to control this club + school + have a life?
would they be able to think of everything that goes on in this club?
would they think of this club as much as i do?
im looking forward to battle season.
....
because maybe ill feel more in control.
and maybe they'll all be as interested in this as much as i have been the whole yr.
i feel like starting workshops after multi ends...
lets see how it turns out.
im giving it 2-3 weeks...
and if it doesnt have alota participants... then i quit.
its probably gonna be on thursdays tho.
or... tuesdays again.
watever.
im just really pissed and stressed.
stressed because.
not only multi for kasama,
but multi for choir.
..
and then COLLEGE AUDITIONS.
UOP feb 13
then THE DAM DAY AFTER MULTI
SFSU AND CSU EastBay
thats not fair.
then worry about Berklee audition
-dream school-
if that fail, it all goes downhill...
id be devastated =[
then after that band concert in the early weeks of march.
and THATS wen core starts for FYC battle planning..
.
then
the music man play thing.
i really...
=[ dont want to deal with this.
i was thinking..
if i tell jenson... if they really need a pianist...
ill pay for it x.x cuz im going to die if i have to learn all of that ...
but then i dont want to let him down..
x.x but then i hafta think about myself... and my torture.
but i really have no excuse cuz i got this in november.
but i havent had any time to practice
but really... i did.
but i dont really like learning stuff like this.
but i 'agreed' to do it a long time ago.
but im not even going to be avaliable to practice with them
but *shoots self*
i needa tell jenson =[
and after all this randomness is all said and done.
add more;
college stuff - finished fafsa, mail in college transcripts, auditions, anxiety
school - blah + calc.
family - crap.
work - ?
friends -... hah wat friends, right now all i got is.. SRL, eric and jovey. [+occasional adrian/chris and them] AND kuya jeff / [FYC.... sorta]
love - im fcking confused and in pain.
to elaborate.
boy 1 vs boy 2 vs singleness-ness
im in love with one. and i probably just think the other is cute. both.... ex's and i feel its blah to be back blahing with them and blah. because maybe its just in my head where i feel that i need to 'love' someone. ... honestly i dont NEED to, i probably shouldnt... because of all my other stress... but it can possibly go another way too right? they could help me ... *sigh. but im super confused. the one i like more... is... really ignoring me. but i get it.. i get the picture.. ur not into me ok? but cant you just give me a dam hug? .. and answer my txt.. or calls... or call back... or make an effort. i feel used because ive done SO MUCH for you and.. not wen i need u. you do NOTHING. how is this supposed to make me feel. then theres the other... our break up really.. was stupid. it was cuz of the phone bill. but i guess its ok... cuz were still sorta friends. but i sorta recently hung out/talked with him for a while and it was nice. i miss him. but i miss the other guy more. its awkward. then theres this thing about staying single. it makes more sense... but i get lonely. especially wen... SRL cant hang out.. and im bored with life... and family doesnt really seem to care anymore... and im done with 'everything i need to do'... and i cant call the same people all the time to bother them... because itd seem annoying... like.. y cant i find someone else to talk to and stuff, if that all makes any sense at all.
anyways.
x.x i want a relationship. but i dont wanna seem desperate [even tho it seems as tho i am... i could be D=]
or... i want to feel more loved at least.
my family isnt working out for me.
and my teddy bear can only be so much...
oh yea,
i gave up on you.
dogtag.
i dont need you to be strong anymore.
but i really miss being able to hang out with you.
its kinda sad knowing that i gave you everything within the last 6 months,
money, ....x.x
the watch,
your birthday present [spa treatment o.o].
a job,
my heart,
my trust,
clothing,
food,
care,
relief,
little things to make you smile,
my body..
friendship,
LOVE.
and recently... all youve given me was..
this dogtag.
hugs.
sleepless nights
hellos and goodbyes
tears
depression
hope to... lost hope,
broken promises
unanswered txts and calls...
and a broken heart.
correct me if im wrong.
but... thats a very unfair exchange.
if you dont love me anymore...
fine.
ill be ok with that...
but can you please at least... care.
thats the least you can do..
i would ask for more.. like.
time...
but it doesnt seem like you want to give that to me...
its not like its money... or some fancy piece of jewelry.. or clothes...
just care for me like a friend would.
talk to me...
all this is getting to my head.
and stressing me out. and it shouldnt.
wow wat a random rant/ burst of things.
i promise next blog will be more organized
and less repetitive.
o.o
=/
ok.
so im gonna rant about wats on my mind.
number1.
multi.
[kasama]
im kinda stressing out here.
its in.... around 20 days o.o u know that.
AND I HAVENT EVEN FINISHED THE DAMN ROUTINE YET.
.... 'we' havent at least...
i dont like how for the first 2 weeks of practice its only been 3 officers.
we have 8 dammit.
...
i dont like how wenever i have dam officer meetings.
no one cares.
and i worked SO hard...
and they dont fcking give a dam.
i have a life too..
i chose them because i thought they were reliable.
apparently not really. ... maybe 2 or 3...
but geez....
i wish multi was cancelled.
id be happy.
i would be relieved.
i would have free afternoons to worry about other things.
like college auditions...
and band concert...
and school.
and family.
and FRIENDS. x.x
and life...
i love how people come to practice tho.
its wonderful,
at least thats not the problem.
i love how i can trust those people with things.
and i love how some ppl help out more than the officers.
because it actually feels like im accomplishing something because they want it too... not jus for me.
yes, ranting about how i feel officers arent doing a good job.
im a pretty bad president too..
.... D=
and it kills me knowing that.
but really,
would they do the minutes???
would they lead meetings?
would they email leaders of other companies?
would they think of fundraisers?
would they go to kasama practice everyday?
would they be able to control this club + school + have a life?
would they be able to think of everything that goes on in this club?
would they think of this club as much as i do?
im looking forward to battle season.
....
because maybe ill feel more in control.
and maybe they'll all be as interested in this as much as i have been the whole yr.
i feel like starting workshops after multi ends...
lets see how it turns out.
im giving it 2-3 weeks...
and if it doesnt have alota participants... then i quit.
its probably gonna be on thursdays tho.
or... tuesdays again.
watever.
im just really pissed and stressed.
stressed because.
not only multi for kasama,
but multi for choir.
..
and then COLLEGE AUDITIONS.
UOP feb 13
then THE DAM DAY AFTER MULTI
SFSU AND CSU EastBay
thats not fair.
then worry about Berklee audition
-dream school-
if that fail, it all goes downhill...
id be devastated =[
then after that band concert in the early weeks of march.
and THATS wen core starts for FYC battle planning..
.
then
the music man play thing.
i really...
=[ dont want to deal with this.
i was thinking..
if i tell jenson... if they really need a pianist...
ill pay for it x.x cuz im going to die if i have to learn all of that ...
but then i dont want to let him down..
x.x but then i hafta think about myself... and my torture.
but i really have no excuse cuz i got this in november.
but i havent had any time to practice
but really... i did.
but i dont really like learning stuff like this.
but i 'agreed' to do it a long time ago.
but im not even going to be avaliable to practice with them
but *shoots self*
i needa tell jenson =[
and after all this randomness is all said and done.
add more;
college stuff - finished fafsa, mail in college transcripts, auditions, anxiety
school - blah + calc.
family - crap.
work - ?
friends -... hah wat friends, right now all i got is.. SRL, eric and jovey. [+occasional adrian/chris and them] AND kuya jeff / [FYC.... sorta]
love - im fcking confused and in pain.
to elaborate.
boy 1 vs boy 2 vs singleness-ness
im in love with one. and i probably just think the other is cute. both.... ex's and i feel its blah to be back blahing with them and blah. because maybe its just in my head where i feel that i need to 'love' someone. ... honestly i dont NEED to, i probably shouldnt... because of all my other stress... but it can possibly go another way too right? they could help me ... *sigh. but im super confused. the one i like more... is... really ignoring me. but i get it.. i get the picture.. ur not into me ok? but cant you just give me a dam hug? .. and answer my txt.. or calls... or call back... or make an effort. i feel used because ive done SO MUCH for you and.. not wen i need u. you do NOTHING. how is this supposed to make me feel. then theres the other... our break up really.. was stupid. it was cuz of the phone bill. but i guess its ok... cuz were still sorta friends. but i sorta recently hung out/talked with him for a while and it was nice. i miss him. but i miss the other guy more. its awkward. then theres this thing about staying single. it makes more sense... but i get lonely. especially wen... SRL cant hang out.. and im bored with life... and family doesnt really seem to care anymore... and im done with 'everything i need to do'... and i cant call the same people all the time to bother them... because itd seem annoying... like.. y cant i find someone else to talk to and stuff, if that all makes any sense at all.
anyways.
x.x i want a relationship. but i dont wanna seem desperate [even tho it seems as tho i am... i could be D=]
or... i want to feel more loved at least.
my family isnt working out for me.
and my teddy bear can only be so much...
oh yea,
i gave up on you.
dogtag.
i dont need you to be strong anymore.
but i really miss being able to hang out with you.
its kinda sad knowing that i gave you everything within the last 6 months,
money, ....x.x
the watch,
your birthday present [spa treatment o.o].
a job,
my heart,
my trust,
clothing,
food,
care,
relief,
little things to make you smile,
my body..
friendship,
LOVE.
and recently... all youve given me was..
this dogtag.
hugs.
sleepless nights
hellos and goodbyes
tears
depression
hope to... lost hope,
broken promises
unanswered txts and calls...
and a broken heart.
correct me if im wrong.
but... thats a very unfair exchange.
if you dont love me anymore...
fine.
ill be ok with that...
but can you please at least... care.
thats the least you can do..
i would ask for more.. like.
time...
but it doesnt seem like you want to give that to me...
its not like its money... or some fancy piece of jewelry.. or clothes...
just care for me like a friend would.
talk to me...
all this is getting to my head.
and stressing me out. and it shouldnt.
wow wat a random rant/ burst of things.
i promise next blog will be more organized
and less repetitive.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
