"Open letter to soldier" Ishle Yi Park

"i speak to you as a woman who also loves a boy soldier, loves a boy man..."
Ishle D=<3 "...home."


hmm...


hello, you
ladies made beautiful by longing
i wanna talk to you intimately about the shadow of war across your front lawn.
the hours spent captive in front of the TV
the shape of your arms and his arms
intwined like yellow ribbons in sleep
at night you lie with the boy who plays a soldier by day
he has perhaps whispered into your hair
cried into the sink of your collarbone
you know his fumbling fingers and the opts of his torso
you know how desperately he wants to be a hero
the night is moonless in both countries
looted of its stars
only your eyes are hard and unblinking
as you watch your one man march out like an ant into a horizon of bleak orange dust
into a land where his tongue is dust
and the planes and the motives of his home country fly
miles over his head
what can we do then
i ask you with empty hands
i speak to you as a woman who also loves a boy soldier, loves a boy man
maybe at night we should start a rebellion
whisper to them to hide under covers
or shoot in the wrong direction
tell them that there is no wind in song when you die a young legend
so be a hero playing playstation with your son
or be a man and hold me as if we had just begun
yes, this is a love poem tucked inside of a war poem
for women,
left with bruises, love bites, roses, babies and longings that stretched wider than any flag
for men,
who tuck our best wallet sized photos under their heads
to angel them and soak in all their untold dreams
for lovers,
who dream to see this world whole enough to hold them both
to see this world whole
we are the ones who will bring this world home
-ishle yi park.




i relate to this poem
im giving you my best wallet picture.<3



-----------------------------------------

yes, im gonna miss you.
yes, im still gonna think baout you
and yes, im still going to love you.

at least for now.
so i can have something to cling to.
i guess im one of those clingy types that i hate so much.

but its hard.
hard on me..
because im clinging to someone who doesnt want to be bother with love.
someone who probably has felt the same way.. but that was before.
im clinging to an unrequited love.

and that pains me.
i love those hugs.
b/t classes and after school.
but THATS ALL?
really?
shure i like them, but thats not all i want from you.
but seriously, if asking for your time is too much, i wont.
i just wanna talk to..
like before at work.

because its like i dont even know you
but i still 'love' you.
how is this possible?

i think its my mind playing tricks on me.
because i feel the need to always HAVE someone there,
because my family cant really be trusted.
shure my family loves me... but i dont always feel it.
always looking down on me... always criticizing me...
and YOU were there when they werent.
uknow, before.

when everything was 'ok' and just 'alright'
before the other girl.
before family issues.
when we were 'kids'

now you refuse for me to ever call you kid,
even when i im just kidding.
yea shure.. you tell me i needa grow up.
i CANT.
because i want to be a kid forever with you.
i dont want to grow old with you, thats boring.
i wanna have fun, go out, enjoy life.
the way you make adulthood seem... is serious.

im LEAH.
i cant always be serious.
i FAIL at situations like that.

and honestly when you said that.
my heart broke a little.
but since that day, you said you would leave.
my heart has BEEN breaking a little.

yes. its your fault.
yes its mine too.


its seems as if my brain has locked on to that fact that i love you.
and theres no key to unlock my heart from this torture and agony.. that is.. you.
relics all around my room.. from YOU.
all these songs, movies, colors, pictures. YOU
all these places, parks, restaurants, buses, school. YOU
everything. YOU.
why, you.


ive been dying for the day i would truly get over you.
wondering ever so greatly how id even manage to overcome that feat.
oh, wat an achievement that would be.
oh, wat a day to look forward to.

but iim dreading that day.
dreading that day id lose you.
probably to someone else,
prettier.
more mature.
more loving [impossible]
more understanding to your views [cuz apparently im not]
talented
rich [oh how vain]
someone who'll be there for you...
someone who you can go to
someone who's parents LOVE you
'the one'
yours.

right?
isnt that why you dont want to be in a relationship right now?
because what if 'that ONE person' walks into your life.
the 'perfect' one. the one for YOU.

id love to be that one.
but if i am.
then sorry... you couldnt see it.

or maybe you just dont want ties when you go into bootcamp.
u know... 13 weeks.
then 10 days back.
then ur off again for schooling in some type of infantry.

those 10 days.
ill be waiting.
i want ONE of those days.
just one.
or not even a full day.
even just... 2-3 hours.
to talk.
to listen.
to have you all to myself for just 2-3 hours.
june 28.
im going to cry all night.

anways... where was i going with this blog.
which is similar to probably 20 other ones x.x


oh yea.
why cant i get the FCK over you!.
you never want to talk to me.
hang out with me...
blahblahblah,

but youd want to ask me for help.
for food.
..for money...


thanks.
i feel really wanted.

i dont mind helping you out like that.
but REALLY?
if all a girl wants is time.
i dont see how you cant put aside ONE hour.... for her
or 30 sec. to txt back.
at least once.
i bet this yr alone ive sent you about 20-30 messages.
uve only replied to about... 2-3
wats THAT all about.


hurt, pain, depression.
thats all im getting out of this relationship.
except for that 5 sec. i get when i hug you.
judging on that pro and cons list.
i believe its time to let go.

superman isnt... exactly the person he was before.

gee i cant wait til you leave.
so i can forget ...or try... all about you...
for 13 weeks.... x.x

but im hoping you send me some mail.
cuz ill worry about you every day.



man.. shut up!
><
i have no idea wat to tell myself.
i dont know wats speaking my heart or my head.
and i dont know wat to listen to....

im so confused.

[i think thats obvious]