wat i REALLY want for christmas.

my dad.. to realize im alive.
my mom to understand that im her CHILD, not her client
my little brother to know hes my LITTLE brother
..
i wanna learn how to drive.
thatd be the best present ever.
someone teaching me.
or maybe even...
be able to see... for maybe an hour.
5 minutes.
without these...
..
i just want you to be happy.
i dont need you to love me..
itd be nice tho.
..
i want that mouse to...die.
..
i want all my fears to be vacuumed out of my system
so i can be set free from this... menacing pain of.. FEAR.
the slightest noise makes me twitch.
i cant even SHOWER without knowing someone is in the room next to me
im traumatized by the fact that something might scare me..
i dont care if i die,
i just dont want to be scared/surprised.
im going crazy because of this STUPID fear of.. fear.
....
i want all of this college crap DONE with.
..
i dont like how this family works.
we're all split.
grandma + aunt in hospital
grandpa + aunt/uncle at their house
everyone else [besides us and an older bro] in San Diege
me, ron mom and manong ryan.. home
dad at work

wat a wonderful christmas eve.
.

great day tmrw.
i wont have anything i want.
i probably wont even get anything.


yea i know its not wat u get.
but im giving it all,
i should at least get...
something.

like...a hug.
at least. this yr.