oh!

haha, now i have 6 and its still dec7.

[i didnt really want to put this on the other one.
its a totally different topic anyway]

my ring size is... 5.5
apparently.
i checked on the thing that was around the box wen i got it
because it didnt say on the receipt in the mailthing.
and i never even found the other receipt.
i think i accidently x.x threw it away.
which sucks!

uhm.. yea
i had an ok talk with someone day. and something was brought up that caught my attention because... dont really know o.o

and it occurred to me that.. i dont really KNOW where kira stays.
he.. supposed to be staying over at a friends house.
i know that,
but... well honestly i have a hint.
that hes ...living with ..her.
and i dunno.
maybe i KNOW it, but i just dont wanna really believe it.
itd be awkward for me to see her again.
i dont mind her, shes cool and stuff.
but... o.o that one time... x.x

and.. i know i havent really asked him all this stuff cuz i dont wanna seem like im butting into his life...
but who does he talk to on the phone all the time wen we're hanging out with each other..
he .. always seems to ask me who i was talking to ..
but i never seem to ask him. [which idk.... surprises even me]
...maybe i know that hes talking to other girls...
because sometimes wen he says 'im an older brother to some ppl' i feel as if hes saying.. i have these girls that look up to me and blahblah.
and i never ask who.
i think id be afraid to know, cuz sometimes i cant handle the truth.
because... my friend who i talked to today brought up that he saw them at the mall...
and around... the area a couple of times.. together. recently
and he asked me if i know if they were still together o.o
and i just... didnt know o.o wat to say.
cuz, i didnt really bother with his relationship to her after he told me they broke up.

i just.. always had these thoughts in the back of my head tho..
that, maybes shes the friend. or shes the one on the phone.
or... him and her are o.o and... =/
because im jealous.

i get jealous very easily.
and i can just SAY IT.
because i am.
and i know i am.
and its bad, but in a way.. sort of ok. to an extent.

i dont want to kill her.
shes nice,

its just my thoughts that make it so nerveracking.
because i dont there to be another girl in his life... in THAT kinda relationship.
i dont mind friends,
i mean, i can tell friends,
but shes.... her. and they were... o.o
and gah,


i miss 8th grade.
it was just...'us'



now its in this big complicated mess because lifes just being itself. ><
blah.

i miss it.

it sucks to always wonder.
and it sucks to never be for shure,
it sucks to NOT know
and it sucks to wait.


kira...
elsie thinks about you everyday before shes sleeps and every morning wen she wakes up.
she wants to call u every evening, but is afraid that shed bother u
she wants to txt wen shes bored, but doesnt want to end up with nothing to say
she wants to hang out with you, but doesnt want to take up ur time....
she wants to be with you. but cant seem to be good enough for u.

sry kira.
elsie died.


theres a new girl now.

i hope u like her as much as before.
she is.. madly, in love with you.
but she cant show it.



its different now...