pathetic?

i have no idea.

school bores me.
i think,
i have senioritis[sp?] but like...as a junior.
lol

omg, im so lazy w/ my schoolwork nowadays.
i havent turned anything in for english and spanish.
and ugh.
i jus am tired of school.
its boring at lunch and brunch.
and everything repeats itself.

i have the flu..
since like monday i guess,
i slept hella since then o.o
but i went to FYC activities on tues.
then SFtrip for physics to exploratorium on wed, as well as FYC core.
and i went to school today for the kasama meeting [i dont think they really needed me then -.- i didnt wake up for brunch... D= ]

honestly...
the only think i feel that keeping me going and excited about life is FYC and kasama.
idk, its something i can look forward to.
maybe thats y im so dedicated to it and excited and stuff.
but like, im scared im going to mess it up or something.

because,
i dunno...
i guess u can say i 'gave up' on everything else.
nothing else is going my way;
[time for explanations...]

school- i dont care much, even tho i should.. i have a bookreport due i didnt even get the book yet, spanish project due like 2 weeks ago or something isnt done, precal has been ok..i have a feeling itll get harder..sadly i havent been to school since monday so ive missed out on ALOT x.x, jenson...ugh ill explain that in 'music' section.., english is BORING, physics...we're gonna take a midterm sometime after we get back from break and we jus took a fieldtrip =/ ugh.. tired of it.. i wish i wasnt sick going on that fieldtrip it wouldve been so much more fun, history.. is history.. jus notes -.- and awkward things.. ill explain later in 'friends', and spanish... no offense to teacher.. shes cool- she tries, but the class is kinda, eh? lol, i think i havea crush on someone, sadly i cant say anything about it cuz like.. ugh ... itd be obvious? only like one person knows ;D uhmm...ill maybe explain that in 'love'. brunch and lunch has no point x.x unless theres a kasama meeting or i have to do other stuff [businesswise.], afterschool is boring.. badminton has its ups and down i jus wish my partner was taking it more seriously tho, then we'd probably be better off.

friends- they dont 'care'. ok well some of them do. i know that. but, ugh... i know im busy all the time [ im making a theory that... because i was busy all the time.. my body got sick... telling me i needa chill... but o.o sadly, im still busy... being sick... =/ even if i dont go to school ]. but ppl dont ...like... idk want to hang out w/ me anymore? besides like rosa/sheryl, vlad, jovey and ateh. but like.... no one asks me if i wanna go out or like mall w/ them or watever. u know, i havent been invited to anyones birthday since like...adrians. and i hear about them, but they FORGET me. watever right? but cmon...adrians was in november. -.- its freakin april. *sigh... i know being invited to parties doesnt exactly mean friendship, but maybe being forgotten makes it sound more...idk where i was going o.o lol.. uhm i lost myself. i have a headache... i kinda wanna tell everyone to notice me, but they're all in their own bubble... doesnt matter, schools almost over... ill jus wait til summer to like.. hang w/ the bests again, downtown and sht.
but wat hits me close to home is --i-. its so stupid. ever since i said 'ilikeyou'. its like no more talking. -.- and wen i DO talk to --i- its like he acts like im STUPID. wenever he replies to somthing i say its like 'oh dududududu... LEAH -.- jeez..' or like.. ' LEAH!!! blahblahblablah, we know..rararararr, of course.....' and gives me this look...its weird. im kinda sad... but mad too. i thot we were friends, but wat kind of friend treats me like that all of a sudden. gah, watever right? ...jus wait for summer...

family- dad...eh [like always...] [[ill have a blog about dad maybe later.. i dont feel like talking about dad right now...]] moms always been working... since forever. =[ always busy all the time.. but i guess since i got sick or something she cares more? or shes around more... [i guess cuz im around more... -.- cuz im always busy too] anyways... idk... its weird.. but she always gets a chance to lecture me wenever shes w/ me x.x im kinda tired of that cuz...IKNOW!. lol uhm... sadly, ron doesnt talk to me anymore. i think he disowned me or something.. i broke down one day... well night, i felt like sht that day,.... and i started yelling at him =[ i recall yelling 'youdontcare' to him about amillion times and my mom telling me to basically shut it.. cuz its late... and ron yelled back and dududududu.. and ever since then we havent spoken to each other. at least my older brothers are coming back from the PI on april27. [=

sick- i have the flu... how did i get it D= i dont want it anymore. i felt a little better after showering this morning, but after coming from school i got dizzy again and slept til like 6... >< ugh... i didnt know i could sleep this much. ahaha. uhm. being sick limits me..sadly. but the only thing ive been dedicated to since i was sick.. was FYC. idk, its fun for me... even tho im kinda the loner [but JOVEY is there for me :DD im so glad she is, she wonderful] Ron was there for me before..in the summertime-ish.. but like... he stopped going. i think his g/f didnt like him going -.- jerk. [oh btw...they celebrated their ONEYR. yesterday, jeez...] uh.... i read up on the flu and eh, idk i was bored. ahaha, headaches, dizziness, stuffy nose, cough, sneeze. oh and top that off.. im on my period :D......great -________-

love- like i said before, i kinda maybe have a crush on someone?... its --t- -i----u---. ahhhh, so anyways sadly. hes a senior. no chance. ahaha. cuz i think hes talking to someone already.. and o.o DUH, hes a senior, hes gone after like a month-ish...ehh, [= other that that.... its weird, idunno. other ppl from like uknow, before.. want me to like get back talking to them like o.o talkingtalking or like.. uknow. yeaaa.. iono... well its been like a year and something months since my last real relationship...but honestly, my heart was broken in december. like shattered to pieces, stepped on... swept away w/ the wind and i havent seen it since... so... sorry, im kinda, well.. im not 'scared' of love...its just, stupid. -.- lol i mean like, mean to me. im jus taking a break i guess, maybe summerlove ;D. lol or i can see nathan tao again XD. that was one weird day last yr.... anyways.... alota ppl say i needa b/f. but i dont NEED one... its jus i guess they're used to me having one? since like freshyear..ive had one o.o lol..; dennis, andrew, dennis...kevin x.x [blahh], watever right? dont listen to them? . /=

music- musics always been my stress reliever. playing or listening or singing. lately... its not the same. iono, playing still makes me feel better, but its hard to find songs worth listening to anymore. alots...the same. but occasionally i find good ones. iono how i would define good... lol, uhm.. i guess since jensons giving me hella songs lately, ive been avoiding the piano, i dont really wanna learn all of em, itll take so much time and some of its boring =[ or like hard... i jus wanna PLAY. but i dont wanna learn... sadly.. JUNE4 is the deadline for 6-7 songs x.x ima safely say... ima give myself 2 weeks before that to have everything down. cuz ive ALWAYS messed up during a concert. i feel like sht after it. i always cry after performing.. its been like this since this time last year. i was overly stressed.. and it was an honors concert... i blanked out on the stage.. and walked off. i havent been able to perform on stage since then. thats y i took in being the choir pianist, because im not the only one on stage, and i thot it could help me. i think i have stage fright. unluckily AND luckily, johns there... he plays superbly.. like a pro... and me? how pathetic am i... ive been playing since 4 and i cant perform w/ crying afterwards. i wish i could pull thru this faster and get over it. but nothing seems to help. ugh x.x



anyways.
if u wanna hear about any of the above.
jus IM me wen im online;
lilpinaygirl3445.

=/
and i dun think boston is an option for this summer anymore.
my partner doesnt seem as into it -.-
NO ONE SEEMS AS INTO ANYTHING I WANT.
wats the point in wanting it..
if i cant have it because... ugh.

i can only go .. if she goes..
i CAN go....
but =[ if i have no one to go w/.
i cant...


ugH!!!!!!!!!
i hate it.
i REALLY REALLY want to go.

o.o


bye,