lol,
well,
one door didnt close,
but alot did.
it was weird.
lol
multi's over [=
choir district festival is over too !
im happy most of my stress is gone,
now just... for now,
spring band concert, this thur. March 26th @ 7pm [not shure how much the tickets are tho]
anywho....
so on wednesday morning
i went out with ateh armily and chris to eat dennys for breakfast
><>
lol i know right, CRAZY... [im not much of a morning person... i WAS, but idk wat happened]
yup.... and after thzt it was like, ok where to now?
eastridge! ok, then someone had to poop,
so we went straight to the bathrooms...and me and chris were like sitting for 20 min o.o
idk,
and yea,
then we like left and went to the in n out but the starbucks XD
and waited there for atehs ride to go elsewhere.
then twas jus me n Chris. o=
lol i didnt know wat to do,
i guess 'we' dint know wat to do...
so we drove off in one way,
and talked a bit,
then i guess he decided to take me home,
reasonable.
i guess i looked tired,
sigh,
recording it tough wen u cant get it right the first time ><
and dint practice much.
lol rosaaa ><
gah, sad that she had to turn that in /=
uhmmm...
so i went to the doctors office on sunday.
because..
i was supposedly 'depressed' or like uknow going thru 'depression'.
[i kinda did some research and it seems like as if im 'a victim of' or... 'suffering' manic depression, which is known more as bipolar..ness ><, which isnt really a joking matter... because right now =/ i think its serious... from really really high bursts of energy like happiness or anger to...really really low ....energy... tiredness, depression, crying spells...all that shiz...><]
and the doctor didnt do SHIT !
-.-
wat a waste of time.
and wat i really got was a good cry in the doctors office,
because he was like
blahblahblah....-.-
just talking
no help,
jus a doctors note to get a blood and urine test sometime this week.
psh !
and so im thinking....
now wat -.-
i wanna get this over with,
im trying my best,
but theres just things that put me down,
i handle it my best,
but some things push the limit.
ugh,
how do i expect to recover from this..
if no one seems to encourage recovery or support me to be happy and live my life?
all they say is to do it and ull get thru
yea I KNOW. but, how do u expect me to do it if in every turn theres something that dwells of the fact that im a 'victim'.
ive asked for help,
ive made my changes,
all i want is encouragement...
or
idunno, people to raise me up so make me feel like IM the important one once in a while,
ive always done that,
i dont see y it may be wrong if i got that same treatment...
and i really really REALLY hate to say this,
but
i need love...
right now,
honestly...
family isnt working out the right way.
one, because their working -.- for 'us'
two, im always busy so im never home
three, rons preoccupied.... w/ his own life
four, no ones ever home...
and
in the course of about 2-3 months
it seems like ive lost 2 of my closest friends from the past 5 or so years.
people move on,
but i didnt think itd 'end' like that,
i hope its not over,
its just...
im busy.
ive been busy,
ive always been busy.
maybe he should understand that?
and the other one...
is always with HER.
i try to talk to him by txting him,
because he says to,
but its never the respond i really want. =/
and wenever i try to set a hangout day up
one of ems ....eh -.-
and like,
one of closest friends at school
is so oeituvncoseirhjsnvdm about b/f
and lazy and probly has senioritis ><
but i should feel for her because of family and school and friend probs.
but who does that leave for me at school?
acquaintances?
no,
it leaves my 'friends'.
im not exactly -close- to most of them,
im pretty close to some of them,
but they're closer to other -.-
which makes me sad.
but anyway...
like i said,
idk,
alota random ppl bring it up to my attention,
but i havent been thinking about it alot until recently,
'leah, you need a b/f'
-.-
i dont NEED one,
but itd be nice.
cant find anyone tho,
sadly.
its been a while,
yea i know....
but how many times have i heard that phrase....this year ><><>
it shows a point. =/ but ive been to busy to think about it...
rar.
its been confusing,
ill seee.
i have no idea where i was going w/ this blog o.o
sorry its so long,
doubt anyones reading it anyway.
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